2-20-2012

Mom was having a rough day today.  She just doesn't feel at home.  I think it is when she has vivid memories of good times at Chesterfield Heights that she longs to go back home.  Living there really was the happiest she's been.

I got there around 6, and as soon as I walked in the nurse said "I just told her you would be here soon.  We were about to call you."

Mom was in the main area, with her walker and her purse all packed up.  "I was waiting for you to get here before it got too late, or else I was going to have to catch a cab or something, since Kenny has my car."

'Where are you going, Mom?'

"Home.  I was waiting for you to take me home."

'This is your home, Mom.'

"I'm trying not to cry.  You don't understand what I'm saying, or I'm not saying it right.  I mean I need you to take me back to the other place.  To my home." She was really sad.

We sat in the main room and watched Family Feud and Leave it to Beaver. I just explained to her like an adult that she needed more care than they could provide at Chesterfield Heights. 'They didn't have nurses there, Mom.'

"I know." 

'And if something were to happen to you...here, there would be someone, a trained nurse who could help you.'

"Yes, they do take good care of me here."

'and it's way better than being in a hospital.'

"Yes, that's for sure."  One by one we went through the things she knew were different.  Not being able to lock her door.  Differences in 'the ladies'.  I know she misses her buddy, Miss Virginia.  Missy still works at Chesterfield Heights.  I stopped by the other day and Miss Virginia broke down crying about how much she missed Mom.  Mom also commented that she didn't have as much stuff - she pointed to the 3 dogs she had in her purse "Like these dogs, these are my favorites. So I wanted to take them home with me. But I had other things, on my shelf"

And she's right...she does have less 'stuff' than she used to. I told her I needed to go finish paying my bills.  "It's ok, you can go.  I'm all better now."  I walked with her back to her room.  Before I left she said "See? A smile.  You made me feel better."

I could tell it was a forced smile, but it was sweet of her to do that.  There are just times when she is aware of how things are changing, and it makes her sad.  Me too, Mom.