I stopped by Mom's on my way home, getting there right after dinner...around 5. Mom was sitting at a table with 2 other women, and she had one of her coats sitting on her walker. As soon as she saw me, she said "Oh, I'm so glad you're here. You can get me out of here."
Uh oh. 'Out of here where Mom?'
"On a bus, in your car, any way that will get me back to my home."
'This is your home, Mom.'
"I know you always say that, but I don't know these people." Tears were welling up in her eyes. "I finally had to accept it, it's over. This is it."
'What do you mean Mom? Do you want me to walk you back to your apartment, or stay here?'
"Not here. Anywhere but here. They booed me. If I would have had a male singer it would have been different, but they don't want me. I guess I just need to accept it. My career as a singer and dancer is over."
She kept going on and on about her career as an entertainer coming to an end. When I tried to tell her she saw these ladies every day..she would say things like "Yeah, they're all losers like me. Their careers are over too, they just haven't accepted it yet." It was really disturbing. I recorded a few bits of the conversation...it's a little hard to hear, but some of the sadder statements were things like "they're just sitting around waiting for the last bell to go clang, clang. It's hard to face when you're not wanted by the public anymore, but I faced it...you've lost it old girl...I have to give up my dream, of becoming a singer and a dancer." Part of me is wondering...even hoping, that maybe she has seen too much Whitney Houston coverage or something else that triggered all this.
'Let's get back to your apartment and rest, Mom.'
I walked with her back to her apartment, and she was really struggling with walking. She was dragging her feet, and kept letting the walker get ahead of her. 'Slow down. Pick up your knees, Mom.'
She asked about Jaymz, and did remember that Trish had come by to bring her flowers yesterday and said nice things about them. Once I got her to sit in her chair and relax she took her shoes off, and I noticed her ankles were really swollen, and it didn't seem like there was much circulation in her toes. I made sure to mention it to Gwen on my way out. The doctor will be there tomorrow to check her out. I told Mom I would see her tomorrow, and that Paula was coming to see her soon and bringing George and her grandkids and that they needed her. I told her several times that there were plenty of other things she could do besides being an entertainer. I told her we all loved and needed her to stay happy...but it was really hard leaving her tonight. She just seemed so sad...it was like she is giving up and it scared me.
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