I didn't get there until 8 tonight, but I was bringing goodies with me - including a cup of decaf, a 2-liter bottle of diet 7-up for her fridge, and even a tiny container of no sugar added ice cream. I was ready!
When I got to her unit, the first thing I heard was the nurse saying "See your daughter is here right now." Mom was sitting in the nurse's office. She looked up at me and said "I'm trying to find my husband."
Oh boy.
I walked in - 'Ok Mom. I brought you some food and stuff for your apartment, do you want to walk with me so we can go put it away? I've even got a cup of coffee' She didn't have her cane or her walker with her, and was dressed in her pajamas. 'No walker tonight Mom?'
"What - are you going to drink my coffee?" she was smiling.
'No, Mom. I'll give it to you when we get to your apartment.' She was definitely wobbling a little...and not entirely "there". What's going on Mom? How was your day?'
"Oh I have had a BUSY day today, walking around from floor to floor trying to find the children. I know where they are though...in that room at the end of the hall, sitting on the edge of the bed"
'Why don't you sit down Mom.' I put the soda and ice cream in her fridge. It was interesting to see she was still hoarding strange things there...she had several small juice cups, and some butter and jelly containers, the little single serving size ones they give you with meals. She used to do that in her old place.
"Kenny was supposed to send them a check, I have no idea if they got it or not. The sitter said they've all been good today. Can you believe that? My kids? I used to always have to fight with them... they'd always fight with each other - stop touching me! What are you supposed to say to that? It's not like they're molesting each other...but when you have them so close in age, they're always complaining about touching each other"
I wasn't sure exactly how to respond, other than to nod and keep changing the subject back to the present. 'Uh-huh. How was the food - did you eat well today?'
"I don't know where my husband is. They said they had to call the doctor because all my pills were out - there is going to be a big pharmacy bill, and I don't know how they're going to get paid. Do I need to write them a check?"
No Mom, it's all taken care of.
"Well I know its taken care of, but how? All the years we've been married he never writes the checks. I always pay all the bills. He would say 'I'm the boss and that's that. And I ain't writing no god damned check. You want to be the boss, and go to work rather than watch the kids..you write those blankity blank checks.' You know how he talks"
Oh goody - I get to hear from Dad tonight too. "He, who, Mom?"
"You know... " she was struggling to recall..."you know. my husband."
"My Dad? Paul?"
"Yes, Paul. He wrote the check and I don't even know if its active or any good even. I don't even think he has a checkbook"
'Don't worry, Mom. It's all taken care of now, by Medicare.' Just looking for an answer that would allow her to stop worrying, given that obviously money was on her mind.
"Oh! Well that's good. But don't we still need to send a check?"
'Nope...everything gets paid automatically...the computers take care of it. Just like direct deposit, everything just gets taken care of automatically.' She was smiling...amazed. Yeah...I never write checks anymore. Everything just gets paid on its own.
"Well that's good. I hope they take the right amount. But I guess you keep an eye on all that right? It has been one busy day today. I learned so many new things."
'That's good. What have you been learning?'
"I learned a lot of the new things that I'll be working with. My job will be much larger and pay more. They said they have approved it and I will be promoted to woman of the year. I was just worried about paying the babysitter, and thought I would just wait, and now that you're home we can pay. They've been real good though sleeping since like....(looking at her watch)...like 8:00"
'You might want to get some rest too, don't you think?'
"Yes, at some point." She looked up at the clock on the wall, which was stopped at 4:30. "I think that one is off - I might need you to get up there and fix it."
'I'll have to bring you a new battery for it tomorrow.'
"Oh, ok. That sounds good." It is strange to me when she jumps back and forth between now and the past...I can't even imagine what it must be like for her. It's hard to describe...when she's really 'out of it' you feel afraid to say anything that might make it worse or confuse her more.
"This is the first time I've had such good babysitters. They fed them and everything..I just want to make sure we've paid them right." Don't worry, Mom. I'll double check before I go home (trying to reinforce that I am visiting, not home) "Our job is never done is it?" 'No it sure isn't' both of us smiling.
"Yes, I was at work all day. They're still trying to figure out what to call me, as far as a title goes..and everybody has to vote. There are so many new things that have to be applied to our offices."
'Sounds like you're going to have a busy day tomorrow...probably good to get some rest.'
I helped her get to her chair, and America's funniest home videos was on. She was still a bit confused, talking about watching this tv, but that she had another one upstairs in her room. I stuck around for a bit, just repeating that the nurse would probably be in shortly to give her some medicine before bed. She repeated a few times - "I really do like it here. It's so nice, especially after a long day's work."
She took the words right out of my mouth. G'nite, Mom. See you tomorrow.
"Ok, thanks for stopping by!"
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