Let me start tonight with a positive! When I got to Mom's (around 6:45), the temperature in her room was *comfortable* for a change. A few minutes later the fan automatically shut off and later it came back on, so they must have had someone come in and fix the thermostat. Thank goodness.
As for Mom...hmm...she was very disoriented tonight, and anxious, as opposed to angry. I said hello and asked her what she was up to, and the first thing I got was "Oh just sitting here looking out the door, waiting for my girls to come home or call. You usually call" Oh boy...here we go again I thought.
'Oh, well I was just working, Mom'.
"Come on in. Have a sit down. Cartoons are on...I worry is all."
'Sorry you were worried Mom. I can't stay too long tonight, I have to get Jaymz to drums.'
"Oh did he call?" Who, Jaymz? "Yes, did Jaymz call?" No, Mom. He's at home waiting for me to pick him up.
"Oh, well at least you're here. I'm so glad. They'll probably call you before they call me." Who will call you, Mom?
"My girls. There's all kind of stuff they can get in to. And then you know what the boys always have on their minds" It occurred to me that she might not even be recognizing me...or was at least disconnected between the memory of waiting for me to call and the present of me being there with her.
'I'm right here, Mom. Do you know who I am?'
"Yes. You're Kim." Right, I'm one of your girls. Who are your other girls?
"I have 2 daughters. My friends girls called their mothers and told then where they would be, at whose house, having a party. But mine didn't bother to call me. I don't know where to call and tell them to come home, because you know it's getting late. It's dark out there." I tried to change the topic to the picture that was on the table which she must have colored earlier in the day. It didn't work.
As for Mom...hmm...she was very disoriented tonight, and anxious, as opposed to angry. I said hello and asked her what she was up to, and the first thing I got was "Oh just sitting here looking out the door, waiting for my girls to come home or call. You usually call" Oh boy...here we go again I thought.
'Oh, well I was just working, Mom'.
"Come on in. Have a sit down. Cartoons are on...I worry is all."
'Sorry you were worried Mom. I can't stay too long tonight, I have to get Jaymz to drums.'
"Oh did he call?" Who, Jaymz? "Yes, did Jaymz call?" No, Mom. He's at home waiting for me to pick him up.
"Oh, well at least you're here. I'm so glad. They'll probably call you before they call me." Who will call you, Mom?
"My girls. There's all kind of stuff they can get in to. And then you know what the boys always have on their minds" It occurred to me that she might not even be recognizing me...or was at least disconnected between the memory of waiting for me to call and the present of me being there with her.
'I'm right here, Mom. Do you know who I am?'
"Yes. You're Kim." Right, I'm one of your girls. Who are your other girls?
"I have 2 daughters. My friends girls called their mothers and told then where they would be, at whose house, having a party. But mine didn't bother to call me. I don't know where to call and tell them to come home, because you know it's getting late. It's dark out there." I tried to change the topic to the picture that was on the table which she must have colored earlier in the day. It didn't work.
"I just worry. It's natural for a mother to worry. I just sit here waiting for everyone to come home and I worry. It's not like I'm going to ball them out when they get here, or restrict them or anything...I know how teenagers are." Oh boy...I've been here before. "I just get frustrated. They know I don't have a car to pick them up, and they'll have to pay the ticket themselves. I'm sure not going to pay it."
Just then another resident walked in. That startled me a little. There are no locks on any of the doors. I said hello, "I'm Pearl's daughter.'
"Yes, that's my oldest daughter, Kim. She's...she's...how old are you now?"
40.
Mom started laughing out loud. "Oh pishaw...you're not 40! 40? Come on stop playing."
I'm 40, Mom. How old did you think I was? "Oh I don't know... 18? 20, maybe?"
LOL Hell, I ought to hang out here more often!
We chatted a little with the other resident, who said she had been scared. She seemed a little disconnected too, and I've read that things tend to get scary at night. Mom continued to express worry about her children, and how she wanted them to come home. 'Everyone's safe Mom. Kenny is at home with his family. Paula is at her home with her family. My kids are all safe and I'll be back to see you tomorrow.'
She looked sad and lonely. "Ok." It was a heartbreakingly weepy tone.
The thing about all this is...if what I've read is correct and they tend to relive memories of the past, it saddens me that the memories that seem to keep coming up are worrying about where I was and when I was coming home. I put my parents through hell back then...hearing her re-live that over and over might be a fitting punishment, but not one I'm looking forward to.
I'm glad it's almost the weekend and I'll get to spend more time with her. I'd rather make new memories, no matter how difficult that might be to do. We'll start with Rapunzel!
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