5-28-2012

I still haven't uploaded the videos yet, unfortunately.  Mom was ok tonight... wearing 2 pair of glasses (always better than none!) and watching Mash, which she thought was all about the Vietnam War that she experienced herself when she lived in Germany.  She also mentioned the name of her Junior high, but I can't remember it.

She also had a new blanket - red, white and blue.  Someone must have given them to the residents for Memorial Day.  The past few days she has had some nicer clothes on.  The thing is...I have no idea where she got them, and think there must have been a laundry mix-up.  Her hair still looks good. :)

5-27-2012

Today was a very strange, out-of-the-ordinary visit.  When I got there, 1 of the nicest nurses there - Jackie - told me "I was back there with your mom a lot this evening.  She is feeling very umm.. sentimental.  She's been talking about you all a lot tonight. Just thought I would warn you."

Uh-oh.

Mom was still looking great, watching tv, but didn't have any glasses on.  I found a pair for her, and then asked her about Jackie's comment.  'Is everything ok, Mom?'

She started balling her eyes out, and saying she just wanted someone to tell her 3 children how much she loved him and that they meant everything to her.  I just sat there, a little taken back.  She continued on talking and talking..saying that she was so sorry for always being so mean and hurtful to us.  "I didn't mean to say all those TERRIBLE things...I just had this anger inside of me. And sometimes it just comes out.  And I would see it in their eyes, how much I was hurting them.  I am so sorry for that.  I love them more than anything.  And I just want them to sell the house, and split it equally all 3 ways, because I love them all so much.  My children are so beautiful, of course my husband had something to do with that.".. then she proceeded to get graphic about Dad being her loverboy, and how he'd only cheated on her once.

I think 'surreal' is the only way to describe how I felt.  All these years with anger inside of me...thinking she wasn't capable of feeling remorse for how she used to act, or that she wasn't even aware, and bam.. she just spilled her guts like that out of the blue.  I recorded some of it, but need to upload the videos from my phone.  I'll try to do that tomorrow.

She also said something chilling... that she only had about a month to live, which is why she wanted to make sure someone told her children how much she loved them.  'What are you talking about Mom?'

"You just know, when things are going on inside of you.  You can just tell when they stop working like they're supposed to."

She was full of energy, and looked as healthy as I have seen her over the past few months.  It was a very strange visit to say the least.

5-25-2012

Mom looked great tonight.  She is still loving her new hairstyle.  She must be getting a lot of positive feedback on it.  She's also still happy with her tv. 

There was a movie on when I got here, which one of the nurses must have put on.  Yesterday we watched Big Bang Theory and Sanford and Son.

She was asking thoughtful questions about my business, and suggesting ways the world war two veterans can help me.  Apparently my dad, her dad and Chuck were all WWII vets.  Yesterday she was lucky to have a sister like me too.  :)

5-23-2012

Well today was interesting... Mom looked great, but when I got there several of the residents were trying to escape.  Yes, escape. As soon as I went through the locked door, one of the ladies had a chair in front of her and was trying to charge through the door.  Another one of the ladies came darting toward the door from out of nowhere.  I can't lie... it was kind of funny.

Gosh, the poor nurses.  I don't know how they do it.

Again, Mom looked great and was in a good mood.  She was in the main area, but still raving about how much she loves her tv.  She also got her hair done yesterday.  It's in more of a bob now, very different, but looks great.  I took this picture yesterday -

Yesterday was interesting.. I stopped by mid-afternoon and Mom was sleeping in her chair with TWO pair of glasses on.  Some days none, some days two... you just never know what you're going to find when you get there.  She gets like 16 channels for free on her new tv, so at least we don't have to worry about nurses not putting in DVDs for her.

The only other strange thing today was I noticed a red area on the left side of her nose.  It looked like a boil or something, but should probably be checked out.  I didn't say anything today, but will keep an eye on it and have the doctor take a look at it next time he's there.

5-20-2012

Mom didn't recognize Trish today, and even after I told her who she was, she said "its so nice to meet you, I've never had a chance to meet you before."

She couldn't name any of my children's name, but when I asked if she knew her other daughter, she said Paula right away.  Then she said Chuck was my brother.  'No, he's my Uncle, Mom.'

"Oh, really? Does he have any children?"

I started naming all of Chuck's children and she said "Oh yes, Billy likes to chase the girls."

Yesterday her clothes were on backwards and she wasn't wearing any glasses.  Her DVD player was broken, and I couldn't find any glasses in her room, so I took a pair from a pile in the nurses station.  It must be tough on them trying to keep everyone straight.

Tonight I bought her a new, smaller tv that will pick up regular tv stations without us having to pay Comcast.  I think that is better long term, and she can't put in movies to watch by herself anymore.  Looking forward to taking that to her tomorrow.

5-18-2012

Mom's memory/orientation is definitely deteriorating.  Today I went early in the morning and she told me they were trying to round up all the cats, and some were getting killed.  She asked where Paula was, and I said 'At home with her family.'

"What family?"

'She has a husband and 2 children.'

"She does? No one told me. I didn't know that."

Yesterday they also gave me the equivalent of a report card, which includes a line item for her cognitive orientation.  On a scale from 0 - 5 will zero being fully oriented and 5 being comatose, Mom is a 4, which is "disoriented, all spheres, all of the time"  I tried to capture copies of it with my phone, not sure if the photos will be readable or not.

5-13-2012

Mother's Day.

Mom was in good spirits today.  She was being very social, and remembered a few details about the big visit from Terrie, Kellie, Trish and Paula the day before.  She was wearing a pair of thin cropped pants with a big, bulky sweater, but seemed to be comfortable.

Mother's Day is busy for them, with so many women in the unit.  I asked Mom if she enjoyed spending time with Paula after the rest of us yes.

"Oh yes.  We really got to just talk... I never really bot to know her, given that they took her away so soon after she was born.  It was nice to hear about all her achievements - she's turned out to be an amazing writer.  She has accomplished so much in her work, and authored so many books."

I stayed and chatted with her and Mrs. Woods for awhile, quite content to know my sister is a famous author today. :-)

5-11-2012

I'll start with some good news. Mom got new shoes today!  Apparently either the podiatrist or general doctor got her some new diabetic shoes.  She was definitely proud of them, and they look a lot more comfortable.

When I got there, she was in the main room.  'Hi Mom - what are you doing?'


"I'm waiting for them to take us all to the parking lot so that I can get my car and go pick up the children." She was really out of it as far as where she was.  She referenced several times 'going upstairs' and seemed to think she was in a hotel or something.

I walked her to her room and put in the Aviator.  She went in to use the bathroom, and then strangely, she started out for me "Mother? Mother? I need you to help me open this and put on another new roll."

She called me mother. again.

Before I left she said "Oh this is just like you are leaving me at camp or at college, and you're going to leave me all by myself in my cabin."


'I'll see you tomorrow, Mom.'

5-10-2012

I got there a little after lunch today, and Mom was on her way to her room t go to bed, she said.  She asked how Jaymz was doing with his golf lessons

The only other thing was that they ased me to have Mom sign a resident's bill of rights.  They said they had one on file that we signed when we brought her there, but now they needed her to sign it herself.  Then I noticed that the jar she used to have with tons of pens in it was completely gone.  I found a few pens in her purse, but the jar that used to be on her counter was just plain gone.

5-8-2012

"where is everybody?"

 'who, Mom?'


 "all the people I'm supposed to pick up."

She proceeded to tell me that my children had come here and told her that she needed to wait until it was time to pick them up. And she was stressed because she had been waiting so long and didn't know where they were.  Then she introduced me to her friends again. "this is my daughter, Kimberly. Irene. Mahan."and seemed content that she remembered that.  We went back and forth about whether she needed to call anyone to tell them that she wasn't coming, or whether she should go downstairs and wait where she can see the planes landing. Yesterday she asked me if we could go to the PX or something. I think she thought I was grandma at the time. The only disturbing thing tonight was finding my father's dentures in a cup of water in her bathroom. I vaguely remember seeing those when we moved her, but don't know for the life of me why we let her keep them. I haven't seen my fathers teeth in a cup of water in 24 years.

5-6-2012

Thankfully, Mom didn't see to remember our conversation from yesterday at all. She was asking about when we were moving to a new place, an leaving this one, but she didn't seem too stressed. She was in her room rather than th main activity area where several residents were sitting. She said sh just wanted to stay in her room where the TV is bigger. I made sure we watched a comedy tonight... "along came Polly"

5-5-2012 cont..

Oh my goodness. Mom didnt realize that Dad is dead. The nurse just cme in to check on her, and Mom said "yeah, they check on me a lot because they know Paul is not around. I don't know where in the hell he is, I haven't seen him for 3 days." When I talked to her about where he was and how he died, she was shocked. "nobody told me. Was he murdered?" She doesn't remember anything about his funeral... Then she started asking about the last 2 babies she had and whether or not they've been fed. 'which two Mom?' "well there was a boy and a girl. I'm assuming Paul was the father, but I don't know." "I wonder if Chuck knows that he's Dad. What, did Mom not want to tell me about this?" She was really really surprised and upset by the news. I sincerely hope she forgets this conversation. And next time she talks about him in the present tense, I'm going to leave it that wy.

5-5-2012

Mom is pretty sure that her kitten is pregnant. Apparently every time they turn their backs all the cats are doing each other. We discussed this at ength for quite some time, because she has no idea how she is going to take care of all these kittens. She had all kinds of details about actually seeing the kittens snuggling up to each other. Other than that, everything is ok. We watched a perfect world together. Out of the blue she asked me if I had a cigarette, which was odd. It also seems like her hearing is getting worse. I had to talk much louder.