2-29-2012

I got to Mom's around 8:15 tonight. She was in a rather interesting condition.  Sitting in her chair, partially dressed, with her robe draped across her, on backwards.  She had 3 socks on each foot, and all 6 of them were different...no matches.  She had on the wrong pair of glasses and was drinking orange juice.  Quite a sight.

'Hi Mom.  What are you up to?'

"Oh nothing, just waiting for the lottery to be announced. I wished I had some money so I could have bought a ticket."  She went on about the lottery for several minutes...how much the winnings would be, how everyone was talking about it, etc.  then out of the blue - "I didn't even file.  They'll announce it sometime tonight.  Did you file one?"

'File one what, Mom?' 

"Income taxes."  'Don't worry, Mom.  I took care of yours.' "You did?  Am I getting anything back?"

'Yes, Mom.  It goes straight into your bank account.'

"Oh, ok. They've been talking about the dentist office all afternoon.  Starting about about 3:00 all the dentist offices in the area had to bring in extra secretaries." (umm...random? :)
Then back to "So all the boyfriends and girlfriends that gave their lottery tickets to each other got stuck waiting."

We just relaxed and watched American Idol.  She was into it...making good, accurate, and positive comments about each of the singers...then she started reaching for her purse, and placed her empty orange juice glass in it.

Whatever works.

2-28-2012

It was LATE when I got to Mom's tonight...after 8:30.  I was at work late tonight and almost didn't stop by on my way home, thinking it would be too late and she might already be asleep.  I was exhausted, but somehow it just wouldn't have felt right to not stop by.  I wasn't sure what to expect.

Mom was fine and in a great mood tonight.  She was sitting in her chair.  'What are you up to tonight?.'

"Oh nothing, just sitting here watching tv."

I asked all the usual - how was your day, what did you and the girls do, etc.  The only thing different about her place was that she took the tablecloth off her table, which will make it easier to work on the puzzles Paula bought her.  She still had one of them open, and all the pieces looked like they were in the same places they were last night, so I was scratching my head as to how she got the tablecloth off.

The best part was when the nurse stopped in and talked about how helpful mom had been earlier - helping them with cleanup after dinner and being real social earlier in the day. Mom heard the praise and was smiling ear to ear too.  The nurse said she would be back shortly to make sure she was all set for bed before the night shift got there.  "I usually stop by and just chat with her for awhile, and make sure everything is in order before they get here."  She is a real sweetie, and always refers to me by name.  It is killing me that I don't remember hers and they don't wear name tags!

Something to work on tomorrow, I suppose.  All in all, place a mark in the 'had a good day' column.  Now that I'm a couple months into this blog, it might actually be interesting to go back and tally those up!

2-27-2012

Well, happy birthday, Mom! What a fun and interesting visit tonight.

I went by around 7, and I don't think Mom even knew it was her birthday, nor would she know hold old she is.  I brought her up a cup of coffee, and when I walked in she was watching America's funniest home videos.


'Hey Mom.  Happy birthday! What are you up to?'


"Oh I was just watching about this shampoo.  It will fix all my issues...it helps with rashes, and can get rid of fleas too.  They get in your bloodstream, you know."

Alrighty then!  Good to know. :)

I turned the volume down on the TV and called Chuck.  'I know someone who wants to talk to you!'

Mom's face lit up as soon as she heard it was Chuck on the phone.  Then she proceeded to tell him how he could protect himself from fleas too.  It was a little more graphic than I need to explain here, but very funny.  We all laughed, and laughing is good for the soul.  I learned about fleas, and STDs, and slides and swimming suits, and all kinds of fun stuff tonight.

Thank you so much Mom, for making my day today.  Here's hoping for many more happy birthdays to you.

2-26-2012

Wow, what a difference a day makes.  Maybe yesterday was a little too much excitement for Mom?

I got to her place around 7 tonight, and remembered to bring her milk, cereal and orange juice.  I walked into her apartment 'Hi Mom.  What are you doing?'


"Packing"


'Packing for what?'


"For when we go."


'Go where?'


"Somewhere.  To wherever we're going next."  Here we go again...

She had taken all of the clothes out of her closet, and all of her pictures off the wall.  We went back and forth about this being her place. She kept asking for how long, and I kept telling her for a long, long time...that this was her home.  I told her she needed to stop packing things up - 'Your bed is a mess - where are you going to sleep tonight, Mom?'

"I have the other room in there."

'What other room?'

"Right over there...I have the other room."

'That's a closet, Mom'  as she walked over to open it.

"Yeah, that's a closet." She went into the living room and sat in her rocker. I could tell she was a little sad as she realized she had been confused.

'It's ok, Mom.  I'll get this stuff put away.  I brought you some milk and cereal.'

"Oh great!" she said with a huge smile.  I fixed the channel and volume on her tv, and hung all her clothes back up.  She looked fine when I left.

'See you tomorrow, Mom.'

2-25-2012

A day late posting this...yesterday was a busy day, for all of us!

What a great day for Mom.  She got a visit from Paula, George and her grandbabies, and then a trip out to eat a very special birthday dinner at Texas de Brazil.  Mom ate well, and was truly happy to be sitting at the head of a table surrounded by family, including all 3 of her children.  She ate well, and seemed very lucid most of the evening.  We let her splurge on a little birthday ice cream too.

On the way back to her place, she had some interesting things to say...not only that she enjoyed herself, but she specifically commented that "It was so nice to see everyone getting along.  Finally. I guess they finally realized that they found the right match, and know how to talk to each other, and respect each other.  That was really, really, enjoyable."

Pretty insightful, I thought.  Now just wait until I type up tonight's post...

2-24-2012

Today was literally a quick hug and goodnight.  I wasn't able to leave work until after 8 and was exhausted.  Mom was in her room, barely awake.  She kind of knew I was there, and I reminded her we are going out to dinner tomorrow night for her birthday.

"How old am I again?"

'72, Mom.  You'll be 72.'

2-23-2012

I didn't get to Mom's until 7:30 today. Long day and I was coming straight from work...AND...I had forgotten her milk and cereal.  I bought them yesterday, but forgot to bring them to work with me.  Luckily, she didn't ask for or about them...but she may have remembered.  Definitely need to remember tomorrow.

I just sat down and watched America's Funniest Home videos with her.  Very calm and relaxed tonight.  She wasn't wearing any glasses, and she had on one of her Christmas sweaters.  She was in great spirits tonight, and started telling me about all the callbacks she had been receiving.


"Yes, I got two callbacks from this show.  Of course they needed to talk to my producer...but they know I know how to do it.  Of course they ended up going with someone just a little bit funnier, but I'm sure I'll get something soon.   I've always had such long legs."

Apparently she's been in high demand these past few weeks.  She also asked questions about my work, and how I was doing, even things like what products my company sold.  It was kind of cool, because I could tell she was trying to establish a connection.  It's so hard to describe this sort of mixed stage she is in... you hear the story above and know how completely irrational it is, but she also looked healthy and was talking clearly and seemingly clear as a bell.  She asked if Paula was still coming...so she remembered our conversation from the day before.  Good night for her.

2-22-12

Jaymz and I both went to see Mom today.  She recognized and was happy to see him.  It was almost 6:00, they had just finished dinner and she was sitting in the main room with the other 'girls'.  We didn't stay very long, but I sat down to chat, at least for a few minutes. "How are your other ones?"


'Which other ones? The girls?'

"Yes, your girls."


'Do you remember their names?'


"No, but if I think about it, I'm sure I will."

After a few hints she guessed them, but as far as I know that is the first time she didn't remember their names.   She talked more about 2 college grirls that were killed, and how much she missed having a car and just being able to get up and go when she wanted to, but then she added "although I' also glad I don't.  It is dangerous out there on those roads."

I told her Jaymz and I needed to get home so that I could get to the store, and that I would be bringing her some milk tomorrow.

"Oh great.  Thank you!  I've only been asking for what...4 days now? That will be great.  Can you get me some cereal too?" 

'Sure thing, Mom.'

And I did...looking forward to taking them to her tomorrow.

2-21-2012

Went to see Mom early today. It was around 1, just after lunch and before picking Jaymz up from school.  The nurses told me she had just gone back to her room.

She looked pretty good, and was in a good mood from what I could tell.  'What have you been up to today, Mom?'


"Oh nothing.  Just walking down to that other room, and now I'm back here. That's pretty much it."  I didn't stay too long, just watched TV for a few minutes.  I noticed she had on grandpa's old glasses again.  I started looking for her good glasses...and didn't bother saying anything about there being hair brushes in the silverware drawer, or clothes in the China cabinet drawers, or lotion where the hand soap is supposed to be. I did find a sharp pendant with no back on it, which I put in my pocket rather than leave with her.

We chatted about the weekend coming up, and it being her birthday, and she asked if I could buy her some milk.  They will bring her milk anytime she wants, but rather than tell her that (again), I'll probably just bring her some to keep in her fridge.  I used to always buy milk and cereal to keep in her apartment (for her to eat when she slept through meals), and it might help with the 'hominess' issue.

Mom also told me about the 3 college students who were killed driving across the Woodrow Wilson bridge.  'What are you watching all that sad stuff for, Mom? Stick with the funny shows.'


"I will.  They just keep interrupting them with the sad stuff."

All in all, she looked ok today.

2-20-2012

Mom was having a rough day today.  She just doesn't feel at home.  I think it is when she has vivid memories of good times at Chesterfield Heights that she longs to go back home.  Living there really was the happiest she's been.

I got there around 6, and as soon as I walked in the nurse said "I just told her you would be here soon.  We were about to call you."

Mom was in the main area, with her walker and her purse all packed up.  "I was waiting for you to get here before it got too late, or else I was going to have to catch a cab or something, since Kenny has my car."

'Where are you going, Mom?'

"Home.  I was waiting for you to take me home."

'This is your home, Mom.'

"I'm trying not to cry.  You don't understand what I'm saying, or I'm not saying it right.  I mean I need you to take me back to the other place.  To my home." She was really sad.

We sat in the main room and watched Family Feud and Leave it to Beaver. I just explained to her like an adult that she needed more care than they could provide at Chesterfield Heights. 'They didn't have nurses there, Mom.'

"I know." 

'And if something were to happen to you...here, there would be someone, a trained nurse who could help you.'

"Yes, they do take good care of me here."

'and it's way better than being in a hospital.'

"Yes, that's for sure."  One by one we went through the things she knew were different.  Not being able to lock her door.  Differences in 'the ladies'.  I know she misses her buddy, Miss Virginia.  Missy still works at Chesterfield Heights.  I stopped by the other day and Miss Virginia broke down crying about how much she missed Mom.  Mom also commented that she didn't have as much stuff - she pointed to the 3 dogs she had in her purse "Like these dogs, these are my favorites. So I wanted to take them home with me. But I had other things, on my shelf"

And she's right...she does have less 'stuff' than she used to. I told her I needed to go finish paying my bills.  "It's ok, you can go.  I'm all better now."  I walked with her back to her room.  Before I left she said "See? A smile.  You made me feel better."

I could tell it was a forced smile, but it was sweet of her to do that.  There are just times when she is aware of how things are changing, and it makes her sad.  Me too, Mom.

2-19-2012

I went to see Mom earlier today...after my group run in Byrd park and before the snow was falling hard enough to notice.  It was about 11:30 and she was in the main room at a table with 3 other women.  She looked good, and smiled when she saw me.  I went and got her walker to pull up a seat beside her.  The nurses commented on my five finger running shoes and we all laughed.

'I'm sorry I did make it yesterday, Mom.  Missy was competing and we didn't get home until late.'

She stayed pleasant - "How did she do?"

'She won.'

"Oh really?? She did?? First place?! Good for her! I knew she could do it!" She immediately looked at the other ladies at the table and proudly said "My granddaughter won first place in gymnastics. She was the best out of all of them" I don't think any of them heard her, or understood or cared....but I don't think that mattered to her, and she was certainly beaming with pride. I know the feeling and was happy to share it with her.

We chatted for awhile until her lunch was served.  Nothing eventful.  She asked if I had taken my Christmas decorations down, and we talked about the snow that was coming.  We played the age game again, she started with trying to remember how old Kenny is, and then we talked about her birthday next week.  She was genuinely excited when I told her Paula and George were coming to visit, and she asked if Kenny was too.  I told her I would need to check his referee schedule...but we should try to take her out somewhere for dinner next weekend when we're all together.

The only really 'odd' things she said today were about planning all the things she was going to cook when she got out of there.

'Out of here where, Mom?'

"Well, I guess once you find me a place."

'This is your place, Mom.'  "I know. I know. I just meant a different place." 'I know, Mom.'

She still doesn't feel at home, and it saddens me to think that she probably never will.  How can you make friends in a place where the people you talk to may not even remember who you are an hour later?  If nothing else, my relationship with her is definitely helping me work on 'staying in the moment'.

2-18-2012

I didn't get to see Mom today.  We were rushing this morning to get Missy to her meet in Virginia Beach on time and just now got home, at midnight.

I'm going to try to get over there early tomorrow, before the weather gets bad.  I'm hoping she will be ok.  I know she will have noticed I didn't show.  Heck on Friday she told Kenny she hadn't seen me in 2 days when I had just been there the night before.  It feels like she just lives from visit to visit waiting for the next one and it feels like a long time between them for her, no matter how long it actually is.  Missing a day will likely seem like an eternity. Keeping fingers crossed that everything is ok in her world.

2-17-2012

Today was a bonus because I got to see Mom and Kenny!  I stopped by on my way home from work...around 7:30.  It had been a long stressful day, and I was happy when I got Kenny's text that he was stopping by to visit.

Mom and Kenny were relaxing in her room.  She had all kinds of interesting stories tonight, from Jaymz being kidnapped to being woman of the year.  At least Kenny got to hear that I'm not making this stuff up. :-)

I didn't stay long so that Kenny could enjoy his visit with her...just long enough to switch from stressed out to having a smile on my face.  It's always nice to see her when she's had a good day.

2-16-2012

I fell asleep before posting yesterday!  I did have a few notes.

I went to see Mom in the afternoon - 2:30 ish.  Mom was in her room, and was in a much better mood, but still confused.  She was telling me that she told the nurses she would be in her room, so there was no point n taking the trolley down.

'Taking the trolley down? Where are you going?'

"With you.  Of course I can't leave until 4."

We had more discussions about her living there.  She was in an ok, mood just confused.  She was wearing a different pair of glasses, and they were dirty.  Then one of the other residents just walked in an started looking around her bedroom.  It was kind of uncomfortable...but I suppose they all get confused and walk into each other's rooms from time to time.  When I asked mom about her glasses she went and got another pair out of her drawer...also not her good ones.  She went over to the sink to clean them and asked "How do I turn this microwave on?"

'Do you mean the sink, Mom?'

"No, I was just turning on my microwave so that I could clean my glasses."

'You don't have a microwave anymore, Mom.  They take care of all the cooking for you.'

"I know.  I'll get it straight sooner or later."

That's all I had as far as notes...I do remember talking about her feet.  The nurses had called me during the day to tell me that her feet were looking much better.  I remember mom telling me they were taking good care of her and keeping her feet propped up.

2-15-2012

Not a good day for Mom...not a good day.  Some of the things she was saying were really chilling.

I stopped by Mom's on my way home, getting there right after dinner...around 5.  Mom was sitting at a table with 2 other women, and she had one of her coats sitting on her walker.  As soon as she saw me, she said "Oh, I'm so glad you're here.  You can get me out of here."

Uh oh.  'Out of here where Mom?'

"On a bus, in your car, any way that will get me back to my home."

'This is your home, Mom.'

"I know you always say that, but I don't know these people." Tears were welling up in her eyes.  "I finally had to accept it, it's over.  This is it."


'What do you mean Mom? Do you want me to walk you back to your apartment, or stay here?'


"Not here. Anywhere but here.  They booed me.  If I would have had a male singer it would have been different, but they don't want me.  I guess I just need to accept it.  My career as a singer and dancer is over."

She kept going on and on about her career as an entertainer coming to an end.  When I tried to tell her she saw these ladies every day..she would say things like "Yeah, they're all losers like me.  Their careers are over too, they just haven't accepted it yet."  It was really disturbing. I recorded a few bits of the conversation...it's a little hard to hear, but some of the sadder statements were things like "they're just sitting around waiting for the last bell to go clang, clang.  It's hard to face when you're not wanted by the public anymore, but I faced it...you've lost it old girl...I have to give up my dream, of becoming a singer and a dancer." Part of me is wondering...even hoping, that maybe she has seen too much Whitney Houston coverage or something else that triggered all this.

'Let's get back to your apartment and rest, Mom.'

I walked with her back to her apartment, and she was really struggling with walking.  She was dragging her feet, and kept letting the walker get ahead of her.  'Slow down. Pick up your knees, Mom.'

She asked about Jaymz, and did remember that Trish had come by to bring her flowers yesterday and said nice things about them.  Once I got her to sit in her chair and relax she took her shoes off, and I noticed her ankles were really swollen, and it didn't seem like there was much circulation in her toes.  I made sure to mention it to Gwen on my way out.  The doctor will be there tomorrow to check her out.  I told Mom I would see her tomorrow, and that Paula was coming to see her soon and bringing George and her grandkids and that they needed her.  I told her several times that there were plenty of other things she could do besides being an entertainer.  I told her we all loved and needed her to stay happy...but it was really hard leaving her tonight.  She just seemed so sad...it was like she is giving up and it scared me.

2-14-2012

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm enjoying it from my hotel room in Raleigh.  Hey - at least they gave me free chocolate tonight. :-)

I had left flowers for Mom, which Trish took to her tonight. She said she was "extremely spacey" but otherwise doing ok.  She sent a picture to my phone, but I can't figure out how to forward or upload it.  She was smiling that we thought to send her flowers.

I'm looking forward to getting back home tomorrow.

2-13-2012

Mom had a rough day today.  I don't know what was going on, but I wanted to make sure to check on her before leaving for Raleigh.  It was around 3:00, and my first task was to find her.  She wasn't upstairs in her room...the nurses pointed me to the activity rooms downstairs, but I must have passed them in the elevator, because they weren't down there either.

When I got back upstairs, she was sitting at a table in the main room looking through her purse.  "Hi, Mom.  I've been looking all over for you. How are you?'

She had that angry look, and then got teary-eyed.  "I have been looking for your phone number.  I was trying to call you."


'Really? What for?'


"So that you could come and pick me up and take me back home." Uh-oh..been here.

'You are home Mom.'


"Yes, I know, but I mean to my other home."  She started ranting about a bus leaving her or not taking her where she wanted to go, and how she was worried because she couldn't call me.  She didn't have her phone, or any money, and went on and on about not having enough money to make a phone call.

One of the nurses, Gwen, I believe, came over and said "You can use our phone any time you want.  If you need to call Kim, just let us know."  Mom raised her eyebrows "I can? but then your work will tell them..."


'No Mom, they would call me on this phone.' holding up my cell.


"Do I have that number?  I better write it down"

'They have it, Mom.' Then the nurse said..."You know I need to tell you something about your mother the other night.  She tried beating me with that cane.  She was going to take me out"

'Whoa!  No way?'

The nurse said she didn't mean to, but that when she went in to give mom her medice "She thought I was some other woman...apparently the woman her husband cheated on her with? She started hollering at me 'I've already had 2 husbands, and you aren't going to come in here and steal another one.  I know all about you." 

Wow.  Must be some kind of interesting story behind that one, but I don't know it.  I stayed until she calmed down and went home to pack. Just as I was getting ready to leave for Raleigh..around 7, I got a call from her nurse. "Your mother wants to talk to you."

I think she was just testing.  She went into this dramatic tirade about them trying to move another woman into her room, and that there was no way she was going to leave her coat or her afghan in there for the other woman to keep.  At one point it was because she had worked so hard to make the afghan, at another point it was that she had saved for weeks to buy it for $35 because she didn't make a lot of money like everyone else. The reality is she got that afghan from my grandmother.


'It's ok, Mom.  No one else is moving into your room.  What would you like me to do?  I need to leave for work.'


"Oh, oh...ok you go to work.  I'm sorry for bothering you.  I'll handle this my own way."

I had to flip parent on her.  'Yes, you need to handle it by going back to your room and going to bed.  And you need to stay there until its time for breakfast.'


"Oh, ok.  I will. I will.  I'm sorry.  Its just that these people..... (insert rant)".


'You need to stop cursing, and go to your room Mom.  Trish will be by to see you tomorrow.'

She was just so stressed.  I took some video, which I'll try to post later.  I hope tomorrow is better for her.

2-12-2012

I got to Mom's around 4 today, and Mom was sitting at one of the tables with another woman.  They were both all smiles and happy to see me.  I pulled up a chair and sat at the table with them, noticing that she had her winter jacket out and laying on top of her walker.


'What do you have your coat out for, Mom? Going somewhere?'


"Oh, I brought that out so it could be a cushion if you decided to sit there."

Everything was fine today.  I had brought her a cup of coffee, and chatted until they brought out their meals.  We played the 'guess how old' game, which is definitely becoming my favorite.  It usually starts like -

"How old are you again?"


'I don't know, how old do you think I am, Mom? I think I like your answers better than mine.'

"Hmm.....18?"


'Haha..no, not quite.  I have a daughter who is 21.  How could that be possible'

She laughs..."Well I guess not.  Let me try again... 19?"


'Well how old do you think you are, Mom? You have a birthday coming up soon'

"Let's see...I'm 41..no, 40...no wait 41."  I just looked at her smiling.  "I'm not 41? How old am I?"

'Are you sure you want me to tell you?  You can be 41 if you like. I sure don't mind being 18'

"No, how old am I?"

'71, Mom.  Soon you'll be 72.'

"71? Really? " she starts laughing and turns to the other woman at the table.  "Can you believe that I'm going to be 72 years old?" All good fun.

A few minutes later they brought everyone their dinner plates, so I got up to take her coat back to her room before I left.  'Boy they feed you good here, don't they?' then one of the nurses said "And your mother is a very good eater.  She eats well all the time."

Good to hear.  See you tomorrow, Mom. I have to make sure I stop by to see her before I leave for Raleigh.

2-11-2012

Missy and I went to see Mom early yesterday (writing today because we got home too late last night).

It was around 2:30, on our way to a gymnastics meet.  Mom was a little disoriented today.  There were lots of ladies out in the main room, but the nurses said she was in her room.  When we walking in, it was crazy host in her apartment, and she was in her bedroom struggling to dress herself after an apparent accident.

Her winter coat and purse were sitting on the table.  'Are you going somewhere, Mom?'

"I thought you and I were going somewhere today."

'No, not today.  I have to take Missy to a gymnastics meet in Virginia beach.'

"Oh that's probably too far for me then"

We chatted for a little while and then walked with her out to the main room.  During that time she told us all about her gymnastics classes, which she takes with all the 40 and 50 year olds apparently.  "You should see us shakin our thing.  The guys look at us just as much as they look at girls your age, Missy."  She also wished Missy luck and told her to have an extra special meet.

2-10-2012

I didn't get to Mom's until 7:30 and after an exhausting day...and week...at work, I was looking forward to just relaxing.  I brought Mom a cup of decaf and went to her apartment.  The nurse heard me come in and made sure to say "Hi Kim!" as I was walking down the hall.

Mom's TC was on, but her living room was empty.  I thought she might be asleep already, and peeked into her room.

'Hi Mom. :-) What are you up to?'

"Nothing.  This is where I'm supposed to sleep."

'Oh - were you getting ready to go to bed?'

"No, just changing for bed."

A few minutes later she joined me in the living room and we just had a great conversation.  She was clear as a bell tonight.  Asked me about my work, asked how everyone was doing..just being pleasant as can be. She told me they had a good day and a nice dinner...turkey. She talked about what a good referee Kenny is, and we watched tv for a bit - Inside Edition and Shark Rank.  No hurries or worries.

I would LOVE many, many more days like this with Mom.  When I left, I felt as peaceful as I do after a yoga class.

2-9-2012

I went to see Mom much earlier today, just after lunch around 1:00.  Mom was sleeping while sitting up on one of the seats in the activity room, as were many of the other ladies. The took all the large rectangular tables out of the main room and replaced them with small round ones.  It's a big change, but definitely gives them more floor space, which will make it easier to maneuver with all those walkers and wheelchairs.

Mom was ok, but a little hazy today.  The first thing she said was: "I know how to get home. I just need to get a bus that goes downtown to J.C. Penney.  Are we going anywhere tomorrow?"

'I don't think so.'


"I saw you on tv this morning."  'Oh really, doing what?'  "You were talking to one of your classmates. I don't remember what you were talking about, but I know that hair when I see it.  How is everything working out for you?"


'Like what?' there was a long pause...I think she was still off, perhaps a post lunch fog of some sort. "I don't know...like the China.  It must be nice to have it."


'Oh yes, it's been working out great, Mom.  Thanks.'

"Mom (referring to my grandmother) would be so proud that we got on the tour.  Of course I can't tell her about it now, but it's the one she always wanted.  Boy did they walk us.  Those men walk so fast.  This is a big building!"

Slowly I think I started putting the pieces together.  I think the program director, Robert, must have taken them outside or a walk.  She probably saw the standard buses that serve the regular residents and somehow that evolved into some sort of trip in her mind.

"We walked and walked.  Chuck had invited me, well all of us, to a meeting to see what they were doing.  Of course we walked and walked until my legs got tired.  I end up sleeping when no one is around.  How is Jaymz doing?"

'He's great, Mom.'

"Well that's good.  Yesterday morning there was a 2 car collision by Chuck's house.  Luckily there were no injuries."  It is fun sometimes to watch the group dynamics of the residents.  It is very, very similar to running a day care center sometimes.

One of the residents was clearly bored and looking for something to do.  She started approaching tables, including ours, to invite people to join her at their table.  "Would you want to join us? We lost two or three already. I'm trying to find something for us to do.  You can come on over anytime."  I asked Mom if she wanted to join her at the table, which she did, so I walked her over there, gave her a hug and was about to leave.

The other woman had just come back from a stroll down the hall where she was hoping "if by some miracle' to find something for them to do.  She asked me "Could you get us some paper and crayons to color with?"

I got some coloring supplies from the nurses, and received tons of thanks you from the table.  I started to head out and Mom said "Ok honey.  See you tomorrow and thanks for stopping by."

As I walked out the door, I heard Mom whisper to the woman beside her - "Thant's my oldest daughter, Kim.  She's 18."    Don't I wish. :-)

 Men walk so fat. See if I have a miracle  very little hope.  Se e if I can find someone

As I was leaving,.i heard her tell the other woman shes eighteen. Coloring something to do.

2-8-2012

(another post I mistakenly left in 'drafts' mode)

Mom was in her room tonight.  I got there around 7:30, and brought her a cup of decaf.  She was sitting in her apartment watching tv in the dark, and it was warm in there.

I turned down the heat and sat down.  'Hey Mom, what are you up?'

"Nothing.  No man to be doing anything with." I noticed she was slumped in her chair and her glasses were on crooked.  'Are you ok? Were you sleeping?'  

"No, no.  I'm fine. Man, that's some good coffee"  A few minutes later "Did you give the girls their presents?"

'What presents?'

"For Christmas."

It's February, Mom.  "No it isn't! Come on."

I just smiled at her, and relaxed in the chair watching Inside Edition. She was falling in and out of sleep most of the time.  She was wearing a nice outfit today, and looked peaceful just resting in her chair.  I gave her a hug and told her I would see her tomorrow.  Very quiet night tonight.  No complaints - I'm hoping to get there earlier tomorrow.

2-7-2012

A little off tonight, but nothing too bad.  I got to Mom's around 7:30, and brought a cup of coffee upstairs with me. The only thing I don't like about Mom's place is the approach to her unit.  The kids think I'm being silly, but the approach to that locked door is just a little... creepy.  Perhaps I've just seen too many scary movies.

Tonight as I was walking down that long hall, I could see Mom's head through the tiny window.  She was standing up, obviously, and I was surprised to see her in the main room as opposed to her apartment at this hour. Then I saw her giving a hug to one of the nurses.  Hmm....ok.

I walked in - 'Hi there.  How are things?'

The nurse told me they were making up.  "Your Mom had gotten a little upset and snapped at me, and just apologized, so we were giving each other a hug."  Alrighty then. I sat down on the bench next to Mom.

'What's going on, Mom?'

"Well I just need to get out of the chair arranging business. People just tend to get too upset, then I'm crying, they're crying, we're all crying."

I don't think I ever really understood what happened, although Mom did her best to explain it to me.  It was something about her trying to arrange all the chairs, and the "older women" didn't like where she had put them, which led to some sort of outburst or episode that she then felt the need to apologize for.

"Yes, the nurses were shocked because they've never seen me angry like that.  I never argue with anyone, well, except Paul of course.  They always say 'Are you going to talk to your husband like that?' and I say..you better believe it, especially when I'm angry.  Then I just have to forgive everybody and go around and say I'm sorry I hurt all of your feelings.  Now they are all table arrangers, everybody wants to do it their way.  Never again will I volunteer for that job.  I told them I'll just wait until Kim gets here, and now I'm passing the job on to you."

'I don't know about that Mom, I've had a long day and I'm super tired.  I don't think I'd be very good at arranging the chairs either.'

"Have you eaten anything?  I think we have some stew in there if you want some."

'I'll be ok until I get home Mom, but thank you for offering.' She had her cane beside her and I noticed her walker halfway down the other hallway (as opposed to the one that leads to her room).  'Is that your walker down there Mom?'

"Yes, but I don't need it, I've got my cane right here.  Besides, there's never room for it once you try arranging all the chairs.  I can't believe I made the great, great grandmother cry.  Then I had to cry too."

'I'll go put your walker back in your room.' I noticed her purse on top, and it was filled with empty Styrofoam cups, just like at her old place. 'Is that an umbrella in your basket?'

"Yes, well I thought it might rain today."  

'I'll be right back.'  I took her walker to her room, and had a quick look around to make sure things were in order. I turned the closet light off, heat and tv volume down, and then Mom walked in.  'Hi Mom. Do you want to sit and watch tv?  I have to get home shortly.' 

"No.  I'll go back out there."

'Do you want to take your walker instead?' 

"No, I'll just use my cane.  I'm fine with my cane. What time will you be here in the morning?"


'I won't be here in the morning, but I'll stop by after work'

"You have to work tomorrow? You've been working this whole vacation.  Oh well, at least you get overtime, right? It's all about the money.  How is your car running?" 

I walked back to the main room with her, just chatting a bit.  I noticed she had on the same red sweater from yesterday, and that her pants were on backwards, but didn't say anything.  She asked about the kids and whether their cars were all running.  It's always interesting to me, the types of things she worries about.  I gave her a hug.  'See you tomorrow, Mom.'


"Ok, thanks a bunch for stopping by.  You really calmed me down tonight, I was so glad to see you." 'Same here, Mom.  See you tomorrow.'

2-6-2012

I got to Mom's early today, just before 4.  They activity room was full and Mom was sitting at the table talking up a storm, although she saw me before I could hear what she was talking about.  I pulled up a chair and sat beside her...she looked like she was ranting or preaching about something, but otherwise feeling good today.

'Hi Mom.  How are you?'


"Oh I'm doing good.  We just finished playing volleyball with that soccer ball over there." I noticed she had both her walker and her cane out again.  I picked up the cane and she said "I know I don't need both of them.  I'll let you take one back to my room."  She asked what I had been up to, whether I had a nice time last night and what I had planned for the evening.

'Well I have to take Jaymz to drums, and I have Yoga class (although I ended up circuit training tonight), and probably more work.'

"Oh well, I'm sure I'll get pulled into something around here.  There's always something going on, and its better than sitting in the room by myself."  It's great to see her being so social.


'I like your red sweater, Mom.  It looks nice on.'

"You know, I get more compliments on this thing everytime I wear it.  People will say is that new? And I tell them 'No - I've had this since I was 14 years old.'. I only paid 6 dollars for it.  Can you imagine that? Buying a sweater for six dollars?"

'Don't I wish!  Times have definitely changed.' I stuck around for a few more minutes watching TV with the group, watching the nurses get everyone ready for dinner.  Bless all of their hearts.  It really takes a special kind of person to be able to provide the kind of care that they do.  Most of them say hello to me by name, and tell me they know all about me, which means they spend a good amount of time talking to Mom. The nurse also told me her sugar had been staying below 200, which is still higher than it should be, but way, WAY lower than it was when she was on her own.

All is well with Pearl today.

2-5-2012

Superbowl Sunday.

I got to Mom's around 3:30, with the plan of picking her up and taking her to Chuck & Alina's house for Tyler's birthday and the superbowl.  When I got upstairs, Mom was sitting at the table in the main room, and there were 4 or 5 other ladies nearby.


Hi Mom.  You look good today.


"Oh hi! Yes, I'm feeling good today too.  We're just here watching TV."


'Did you want to come with me out to camp to watch the superbowl?'


"I don't think so.  Not today.  I have the best seats in the house right here."

'Are you sure?  We're going to have a birthday party for Tyler.'

"Oh really? Be sure to get him something for me!  I think that would be too tiring for me though.  Thank you for inviting me."  She was all smiles and really calm.  It was nice to see.

I didn't stay long, but there is something noticeably different now.  I think it is just that she has adjusted to her new surroundings and feels safe there.  I was only there for a minute or two and told her I would see her tomorrow, and she wasn't doing anything to try to make me feel guilty or get me to stay.  She was quite content there with her band of new friends...none of whom she can address by name...but it would seem at least she is getting familiar with their faces and feels at home.

2-4-2012

Very short but interesting visit with Mom tonight.

I stopped by around 6:30, on my way to meet some friends from work for dinner and drinks.  Mom was sitting on a bench in the main activity room, on a bench next to one of her girlfriends, wearing a bright red pajama top, her depends, and no pants.

'Hi Mom.  Why don't you have any pants on?'

"Well I have my night shirt on, and I'm not going anywhere."

'Oh, ok.  You sure you don't want to go down and change?'

"No, but can you fix my tv?  The sound is broken again."

I went down to her room and turned the volume on the TV back up. On the way back down the hall, one of the nurses said - "you saw your mother out there right?  I was going to go get her as soon as I finished this round of meds."

I went back to Mom and told her I fixed her tv.  I then told her I was going to pick her up so that we could go out to camp to watch the superbowl tomorrow.

"So are we leaving now? Do you need me to go get dressed?"

'No, tomorrow Mom.'

"Oh, ok."  The woman beside her said "Tie my shoe."  Both of her shoes were tied. Mom leaned over to tie her shoes and then said "They're both tied.  Double knots even... you've tied them up good!" and started laughing.

In general she was being social and in good spirits tonight.  She even told me I looked sexy in my tight jeans as I was walking out the door.

Well alrighty - "Thanks, Mom.  See you tomorrow." :-)

2-3-2012

Oh geez...I fell asleep last night before posting.  It was an exhausting day!

Mom looked great tonight.  I didn't leave work until 8, got to her place around 8:15 and we called Kenny to say Happy Birthday. Mom was both alert and upbeat.  She was also surprised when I told her how old Kenny was. :-)

Then we called Paula and chatted via speakerphone.  Mom said several times how much she liked it there, and that she had a great day, playing bingo with her friends.  Of course the stories she was telling were a little disconnected - when we talked about Paula coming to visit for her birthday and I asked if she knew how old she would be, she said 41 - but other than that she really looked and sounded great.

2-2-2012

Long day today, and I didn't get to see Mom.  I had to go to Raleigh on business, and didn't make it home until after 9.  Luckily Trish was able to stop in and check on her around 4 and said Mom was doing good.  She was out in the main activity area and they colored pictures together.

2-1-2012

I got to Mom's around 6:30 tonight.  I grabbed a cup of decaf for her on my way up, knowing I couldn't stay long.  When I got to her unit, the nurse said "I just got your Mom all ready for bed.  Her numbers were looking good tonight.  She's been staying pretty low." So far so good.

I went into Mom's apartment.  'Mom? You here?'

"Yes." She had the perterbed tone in her voice, and then emerged from her room with that look on her face.  Part angry, part not in her right mind..  "6 hours.  6 hours!  I've been waiting 6 hours to use the bathroom. You would think as much as we pay here, and for them to keep all of us waiting all day for stools.  Ridiculous. I told them I'm going to have to call Kim, because she won't put up with this.  Not with all the money we pay to be here.  You have to be able to go to the bathroom."

We're up...we're down. Deep breath.  'Your bathroom's right there, Mom.'

"Oh, sure now it is.  But someone was in there.  All day.  Keeping the door locked, and I tried go into other rooms to try to find one.  Then they came in and took all my sodas, the ones grandma gave me.  They took all the food out of my cabinets, and that was given to me by my mother!"

'Here, Mom.  I brought you some coffee.' She sat down in her chair.  'Are you ok now?'

"Yes.  I was just irritated is all."

'The soda is still in your refrigerator Mom.'

"No, they came in and took it all."

'No, Mom.  The bottle's right here.'

"Really? I've got soda? That's great to hear."

I told her I couldn't stay tonight because I needed to get home to Jaymz.  He had 4 teeth extracted today and I needed to get him some ice cream and gauze ASAP.  Mom got weepy right away.

"Oh, pick him up something from me too.  I know how awful that is.  Just tell him it will be better tomorrow.  He just has to get through today.  Of course it will take a day, or that medicine probably won't work for a few days, but he'll get better."

'Yes, he'll be ok, I just need to get home to him now, Mom.  I'll see you tomorrow. Are you going to be ok?"

"Ok, I'll be fine.  Tell Jaymz I love him."

'I will.  Have a good night, Mom.'