3-31-2012

Mom was really out of it today.  Her memory is deteriorating for sure.  I got there around 11:30, right as lunch was being served.  Rather than eating in the main room with everyone, Mom was in her apartment sitting at her table waiting to be served.


'Eating in your room today, Mom?'


"Well this is where they put me.  They told me to sit right here, even though I have no idea what this place is."

I went and started the DVD player, and one of the nurses brought her food in. I sat down at the table with her while she ate.  She was in a pleasant mood, just very confused.  She kept talking about how everyone spoke in Spanish, and that she couldn't understand anyone because they speak Spanish all the time.  I have never seen or heard any of the nurses speaking Spanish.  Then there was this exchange:


"So when do my children go back to school?"


'Which children, Mom?'


"My children.  You know, the ones I gave birth to."


'All your children are finished with school, Mom.'


"No they aren't.  I know they need to go back to school soon."


'Which children are you talking about, Mom?'

"Well.... there's Missy.  And Paula..." she paused for a long time struggling to come up with a name "and Kim."  At that moment, I really don't think she knew who I was.

'What about your son, Mom?'

"Yes, I have a son.  He's my first born.  I have 4 children."

She also asks the same questions over and over... things like "So how was your day?", which she will ask several times, sometimes within 2 minutes of each other.  Her short term memory appears to be almost non-existent sometimes.

3-30-2012

I got a call from the assisted living facility today to inform me that Mom had been diagnosed with Shingles when she saw the doctor yesterday.  They are treating it, and giving her pain medication, and said that it was mostly on her back.  It is a bit of a concern, given that she rarely goes out - I want to read more about causes and how it spreads.

I saw her around 3:30, and brought her a cup of coffee.  They were playing bingo in the main room, but Mom was sitting in her own room, strugging with trying to put a coat on.

'Where are you going Mom?'


"Oh I just thought I would put this coat on in case it's cold outside."


'It's beautiful out there, Mom.  I don't think you need a coat.'

We had this conversation a few times, as every few minutes she would start struggling with her coat again.  Her cable is still not working, but I'm not sure it makes sense to arrange to pay it, rather than letting her watch movies.  I put in Mona Lisa Smile and watched it with her for awhile.

We chit-chatted for awhile, but she seemed very spacey.  We talked about my work, and my second job, and she told me she was proud of me.  

3-29-2012

I stopped by Mom's around 8:30 tonight, on my way home from the airport.  Mom was already in bed and the lights were out in her room.  I still decided to stick my nose in and say hello.


'Mom? Just letting you know I'm back.  I'll see you tomorrow.'


"Oh ok, thank you for stopping by.  We have a big dinner tomorrow.  I think Trish is making deviled eggs."

'Ok Mom, that sounds good.  Get some rest.'

She was tired.  Me too.

3-25-2012

Wow...talking about roller coasters.  When I went to see Mom this morning, she was in some kind of mood.  She was sitting on the bench in the main activity area, and as soon as I walked in, she scowled "They are holding me prisoner here, and I have had enough.  This is against the law!"

It took awhile to talk her down.  She kept saying that she was locked up, and that she was sick of this 'bank' and that she was going to change banks rather than keep dealing with these people. She was pointing at making snide comments at several of the nurses.  She must have really been a handful all morning.

'Where are you planning to go Mom?'

"I just want to go out to my car and go home."

'You don't have a car, Mom.  It isn't safe for you to drive.'

"Yes I do!"

She was also talking about having to go watch those 2 kids.  "They're babies, and nobody is watching them if these people don't let me out of here."  She also said things that were sad and hurtful - "No one would give a shit if I went out there and died.  Who would care? No one. They would all just say 'oh good' we don't have to worry about her anymore."

She wasn't wearing her glasses and didn't look well.  The nurse tested her sugar, which was 175, and then gave her some insulin.  They brought in lunch, and I asked her if she wanted to go over to the table to eat. "Hell no. I don't want to eat any of this crap.  That's all they want you to do.  Eat, eat, eat."

I went and got her glasses, and when I came back, I asked again if she wanted to eat.  "Well I guess I might as well."  I helped her get to the table, and then knowing I was going out of town again, had to lay down the law.

In my sternest parent tone - 'Now you need to listen to me.  Everyone is here to help you stay safe and healthy.  You need to stop being disrespectful and nasty to everyone.  I mean it, Mom.'

"Ok, I will." and she started to eat.  I gave her a hug, told her I loved her and that I would see her Thursday.

Later in the afternoon, Kenny texted that he was in Richmond and was going to stop by and see her.  I was happy to hear that!  I called him to let him know she was a bit testy today... then he called me back later to tell me she was happy as a clam.  He said she was sitting in the dining area, chatting with one of the other residents and all smiles. She was telling him how she was the camp painter and that Chuck was going to give her more boards to paint.

Wow.  Talk about a 180 degree turn.  I'm glad she was feeling better...maybe they put some happy juice on her lunch tray. :-)

3-24-2012

I went to Mom's very early today, before Missy's gymnastics meet.  It was around 10:00 am, and she was in her room sleeping.  I knew she took afternoon naps, but was surprised to find her sleeping in the morning too.  I later talked to one of the nurses who told me her sugar had only been 126 that morning too, which is fantastic! for her.

I tried telling her I was going to Missy's gymnastics meet, but her responses were a little hard to piece together. She was just really tired... I did catch a "well I hope she does well."

'It's hard to believe this could be her last meet, or that she's a senior.'

Then she responded with something about seniors getting special training to help with all their dietary needs.  She wasn't really tuned in, but otherwise seemed to be ok.

3-23-2012

Mom was doing OK today.  I stopped by around 1:30, and she was fast asleep in the main activity area.  I woke her up to chat for a bit, and all she could talk about was these 6 puppies she had to take care of that day.  "They reminded me of my other dog, the one that died."

She had several dogs she was close to, but I know she was talking about Dusty.  He was a mean old thing, but he was also all she had to keep her company after Dad died.

Shortly after, Robert the program director came by to see if she wanted to go outside with them.  I let her go with her girlfriends and told her I would see her tomorrow.  I was glad she was getting some fresh air on this gorgeous day, and certainly admire the staff for all that they do.  Taking all the active members on her floor downstairs and back up is no easy task!

3-22-2012

Tonight was interesting.  I was working late and didn't even get to Mom's until after 9:30.  I considered not stopping by thinking she would be asleep by then.  Wrong.

Mom was sitting in the main room, with one other woman.  She was dressed, but no socks on and looked a little out of it.  She talked, a LOT, but it was very hard to follow.  It was mostly about being a volleyball coach, and pregnancy, and lying.  There were definitely some strange statements...and they seemed to be bouncing back and forth.

"Changing the records is against the government.  I would never let them change mine up until I went on this trip."  She asked what I had been doing all day.  'Just working Mom.  I haven't event had dinner yet.'

Her response was so sweet.  "Do you need any any money?  You've got to be sure you eat.  3 meals a day.   Don't work yourself to death.  You're not supposed to take any records home with you.  I'm speaking to you..not as my mother... there are just so many changes that I haven't approved."  This kind of rambling went on and on.


"Sports can be an honest game or an ugly one, and the law is the rule. There have been so many illegal changes.  They know once it is written in red, you can't change the number.  3 or 4 teams are going to get kicked out of playing volleyball for lying to the government. I don't like to play with liars."

Then she went to a real strange place.  "I could hear them 'so and so, going with so and so and now she's pregnant.  I always told my girls, you have got to use a rubber.  A lie will live with you for the rest of your life. There are so many lies and they just float by, and I would say - you've got to tell her mother that she needs to go to the doctor.  We have an early game tomorrow."


'Then you should probably get some rest, Mom.'


"Yes, you're right. It's hard to be honest all the time.  You have so many friends that...well you know they're always lying.  Then we go to our head coach.  I'm so glad you finally came home.  I really needed to get all this off my chest.  I always tell my girls - you have got to use a rubber.  It is the only safe way to prevent a pregnancy...and lies and pregnancy can sure ruin a basketball career.  Did you run out of rubbers? I would tell them you don't play with your life like that."

Alrighty then.  After a few minutes I walked her back to her room, and when we walked in she asked "So what is this place?"

I don't think her cable was working, but Rapunzel was playing.  I helped her get ready for bed and told her I would see her tomorrow. She told me her head was hurting.  That didn't surprise me at all.

3-21-2012

I got to Mom's around 6:30 today.  She was already in her room for the evening, and completely oblivious to the fact that it was Trish and Kristin's birthday.  As soon as I walked in she said:

"I'm just trying to figure out which baby is which."

Huh?

"I know one is a boy and one is a girl, but they keep changing shoes and I can't tell them apart."

Alrighty then. :-)

"Paula had the boy, right?"

'She has a boy and a girl, Mom.'

"She does?  Did she take her little boy home with her?"

'Yes, Mom.  As far as I know both of her children are at home with her.'

"Oh, ok good.  Those children kept running around trying to trick me.  They would say 'We see you Aunt Pearl.' and then they would switch sides and I couldn't tell which is which."

Aunt Pearl?  I was scared to ask her what year she thought it was. I just checked things around the apartment. Her cable isn't working.  Apparently comcast made a change so that now you can't see anything without a cable box.  I tried reconnecting her old one, but no service would come up.  I'll have to give them a call tomorrow.

Other than that she seemed to be doing ok.  Quite content and positive.

3-20-2012

Mom was doing ok today.  I stopped by around 1:00 and brought her some coffee.  As soon as I walked in she said "I just about finished that book that you left me...or, well the one that was on my table."

I knew the book she was talking about, it was a reader's digest collection, but I have no idea where she got it.  She went on and on telling me her version of the story...a mystery story apparently.  "I stayed up until midnight reading it.  I haven't ever just read like that, for 3 whole hours!" (later she said 3 days).

The only thing I could think about was all the books we packed up and gave away to Goodwill and the used book store.  It's ok.  We left several in her apartment, it's just that she used to read a LOT.  She had so many books, and used to collect so many things.  Birds, model cars, trains, gardening books, cookbooks...anyone who could send a mail order form to her.  DVDs, CDs..just so much stuff, only to be later trying to figure out what to do with it.  Going through this process with her has really helped me in developing my ability to LET THINGS GO.

We had a good conversation nonetheless, and she was very happy that I stopped by.  Looking forward to tomorrow.

3-19-2012

Mom was doing ok today. When I got there, around 7:30 this evening, apparently she was in the process of organizing a volleyball game (which turned out to be a soccer game and then a basketball game later on in our conversation)


"Oh good, maybe you can be our coach. I'm sure there's a rule book over there somewhere." 

 She was also wearing two pair of glasses and her shoes were on the wrong feet. But who cares? :-)

We talked about Trish's birthday coming up, and how old she was going to be, and Mom stayed generally in a good mood, asking lots of good questions to keep the conversation going. The nurse told me her sugar was just above 200, which for her is pretty low (yesterday it was 119). She told me she had told mom that she couldn't have a piece of cake tonight.

Then I went to put the supplies I brought her away, and found an oreo cookie on her kitchen table.  I have no idea where she got that from.  While walking her back to her room for the night she asked if I had bought Missy's birthday present yet.  Her short term memory gaps are definitely getting more noticeable.

I gave her a big hug, and told her I would see her tomorrow.

3-18-2012

Mom was doing ok today.  I stopped by on my way home from my morning group run, and brought her some milk to keep in her fridge.  She was sitting in the main room at a table with 2 other women, and had just finished lunch.  I went to check her apartment and put the milk away, then sat down for a bit.

Mom was talkative and in a fairly good mood but it was hard to piece together what she was trying to say.  She was clearly in the past, mentioning a field of tulips, and singing, and bringing the tulips to someone.  She also mentioned Clinton, Massachusetts and how much she enjoyed it there, and that I had a lot of aunts and uncles there, real old ones.  "Paula looks the most like my grandmother."  I can't know for sure which grandmother she's referring to, but I'm assuming it is my grandfather's mother, who I think she was partially named after.

She was jumping all over the place, but I tried to follow along, and then told her I would see her tomorrow.

"Please do.  I really look forward to seeing you."

'I know, Mom.  Have a good evening.  I'll see you tomorrow.'

3-17-2012

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Mom had a busy day today.  Trish and I stopped by around 3:30 today, thinking we would grab Mom just before they served dinner and take her out instead.  When I walked in, Mom was sitting in the activity room at a table by herself, and she said "Hey. Over here.  I lost Kenny.  I can't find him anywhere."  She started talking about a movie, and popcorn, and how she had gone to Grandma Ackenbom's house with Kenny and everybody.

I thought she was imagining things.  'Do you want to go out to eat with me and Trish?'

"Eat again? Oh no.  I've had too much already."

'Are you sure?  We were thinking we could go to IHOP.'

"Oh, ok." she didn't sound very excited.

I went to tell the nurse I was taking her out, and she said... "Oh wow. Again? 2 trips in one day, boy Miss Pearl sure is lucky." As it turns out Kenny had stopped by to see her earlier, along with Terrie and Karina.  They had taken Mom downstairs to watch Celtic Women, and really had a great time celebrating St. Patrick's day.

I started to take Mom out anyway, but we got about halfway down the long hall, and she was really wobbly and stopped to rest.  She was exhausted.  'We can go out some other day if you want, Mom.'

"Really? I think I would like that much better." We slowly made our way back to her room.  She was chatting about random things, and seemed to be in a positive mood.  Trish and I met up with Kenny, Terrie, and Karina afterwards, and had a Irish food and a great time.  I'm glad Mom had a chance to see them and share in some Irish fun too.

3-16-2012

Mom was definitely not happy today. I went by in the early afternoon, around 1:30.  Mom was sitting in the main room, and it was easy to see she was angry.

"Oh..good.  You're here.  Now I can finally get out of this place."

'What's going on Mom?'


"They may think I'm a prisoner here, but I am NOT a criminal.  They would even let me call.  It's my own brother's camp, and they won't let me out of here.  It's not like I'm a criminal!."

We went through several cycles of the 'You live here, Mom.' "I know that." conversation.  and it was easy to tell she was aware that she didn't have the same freedom she used to.  "It's none of their business where I want to go.  If I want to go visit my parents, or go to the store, well my parents are buried - I shouldn't have to tell him that."

As usual, many of the things she said were out of context or off, but today it was pretty clear where they were coming from. She felt helpless.  And I understood that.  I kept reminding her that she was safe, and there were people that cared for her, and that here they could help her with her medicine.  She did have a bump on her knee from when she fell the other night.

Robert the activities director came by to ask is she wanted a picture to color.  She snapped at him. "No. I'm sick of coloring. Color, color, color...6 hours a day.  I'm sick of coloring." She did accept the snacks he offered, and started to smile.

I walked her back to her room so that she could relax for a bit.  "Thank you for stopping by.  It relaxes me."

'No problem.  See you tomorrow, Mom.'  I was sorry I missed checking on her yesterday.

3-15-2012

I didn't get to see Mom tonight.  Things ran late and it was after 10 before I left the office.  Hoping to be able to get to her early tomorrow. :(

3-14-2012 part 2

It's 11:00. Mom's care facility just called to say they found her on the floor of her bedroom.  She had told the nurse she was looking for her husband, and that she had been in the living room then she fell and crawled to her bedroom, which the nurse said didn't make sense, because she had put Mom in her bed earlier.

Then Mom told her she had rolled out of the bed to make more room for my dad, because there wasn't enough room.  (that part is interesting, given that my dad slept on the couch my whole childhood).

Given that the nurse knew she had been in bed, and found her on the floor, she needed to report it as a fall and call me.  She said Mom seems to be ok, but she's going to have them X-ray her knee (which Mom says is hurting) tomorrow.

3-14-2012

I stopped by around 8:00 tonight.  The nurse was in the room with Mom, giving her her medicine.  She didn’t need any insulin tonight.  Her outfit was, umm..interesting.  Silky red pajama pants, a pastel flowered sleeveless dress shirt, and her bra OUTSIDE her shirt.  No, I didn’t take any pictures.

The nurse left, and Mom just started talking.

“I had a good time today, I ate with 3 different people that I don’t usually eat with, and I really enjoyed myself.  The other couple that were good friends they decided they wouldn’t go on this trip together, because the two sisters were always fighting.  One starts bitchin at the other one, well.. you know how ya’ll do.  Nobody wants to be around that.  I had a good time.  These couples they knew how to get along, they were brother and sister and knew how to not fight.  But I missed you at supper, I usually see you there..and I think I’m going to be called up to speak.  It was so nice, everybody was so excited that the families were being peaceful with each other.  We know what issues to avoid, because it makes everyone uncomfortable.  I kept getting comments on how handsome Chuck is.  I never thought about Chuck like that before.  So what did you have for supper?”

She was definitely talkative tonight.  She went on and on..and stayed positive, for the most part… but I sure was struggling to follow her train of thought.  Sisters fighting, and her awesome ability to be a peacemaker seemed to be the general theme.

3-13-2012

I don't know what was going on with Mom today.  I got there early, around 1:00.  Mom was sitting on the bench in the main activity area, and she smiled as soon as I walked in.


"Oh thank goodness you're here.  This is one of my daughters, now if I can find the other one."

I sat down beside her on the bench.  'What's going on, Mom?'

"Oh nothing. I just want to talk to my daughters, if you see them you need to tell them it is time to come home so they can at least take a shower."

'A shower? What for?'

"Well you know how bad they will smell after running around all day, especially doing what they're doing."

I truly had no idea what she was talking about.

"You can tell them I’m not mad at them, I just want to ask them to please come home and have a bath and clean clothes.  Then they can be all clean and you won’t have to worry about that for tomorrow."

I tried to change the subject.  'So what have you been doing all day, Mom?'

"Well, just sitting here watching them play games. I also worked 2 crossword puzzles and won both of them. Please tell them I’m not mad, I’d just like them to come home and refresh themselves, and you know I’m right.  It's not like I'm saying they can't go out or anything.  They should at least be clean."

'Who should be clean, Mom?'  "My daughters." 'Which daughters, Mom?'

"Paula and..wait ...you're Kim’s...she's here, and my other child I don’t know where she is.  I’d lend them money, but I don’t have any cash.  I'd just like to tell them to come back home.  I’m not going to scream at them, they’re running around the elevators getting all sweaty.  You can imagine how they smell by now.  They know where I am and they know which way to take to get here.  I just want to get them and go."

'Go where, Mom?  This is your home.  Do you want to go to your room?'

"At least you’ve talked to them.  That makes me feel better.  You can visit me at least so we can clean you up or hose you down or something like that.  If you see them…well, I’d like to know where Kenny is too."

'Kenny is at camp, Mom.' 

She looked surprised.  "My son is at camp friendship? I know we used to watch for him. Chuck and I did.  And he would show up after 3 months, and we would say 'I know where you've been.  It's getting dark outside.  It's time to come in'.  Well if you do see him, tell him 'why don’t you stop and see your mom? Its almost dark, and she likes to know where her children are."

I walked her back to her room.  She was positive for the most part today, just really out of it.  She thanked me for stopping by...and I think she kind of knew who I was. 

3-12-2012

It was so beautiful out today, I had to take Mom outside to get some fresh air.

I got to her place around 6, and she was sitting in the main room.  I asked how she was doing “Oh, just lazing around,” she said kind of drearily. I had brought her a cup of coffee, and sat down at the table with them.  She said they had just finished dinner, but hadn’t really done much today.

‘Want to go outside?’

“Really? Is it cold?” ‘No, it’s beautiful outside.'

Unfortunately we had a little issue finding her walker.  There was one sitting right beside me that looked just like hers, but it didn’t have the scarf I had tied on it.  When I asked if that was hers, the other lady at the table put her hand on it and gestured rather sternly that it was hers.  I checked her room, and no luck…then one of the nurses went and found the other lady’s walker and helped us switch.

Mom was talkative as we were making our way down the elevator and to the front door.  She seemed to pick up in mood and energy.

“I almost called you last night.  I didn’t want to wake anyone up, but I thought Jaymz could come over and fix my television.” She also asked about my job, and whether I liked it.  She asked me that 3 different times, at different points of our conversation, and phrased in the exact same way.  Her short term memory is deteriorating, I think.  We got downstairs and just relaxed in the rockers out front.

“What’s Paula doing this weekend?” ‘I don’t know.  Taking care of her kids would be my guess.’

She continued rattling on and on, mostly voicing frustration about the other ladies.  She tried to describe some sort of argument they had over onion soup, and complained that no one ever wanted to go outside with her because they always thought it was too cold.

“So how’s Paula getting along, ok?” ‘Yep.  She’s doing great as far as I know.’

We just sat there in the rocking chairs for almost an hour, marveling at the flowers, the birds and the trees until she started to get cold.  At that point we decided to make our way back upstairs.  I made sure her television was working ok and then headed out.  “I’m so glad you stopped by.   It’s nice to see you every once and awhile.”

‘I’ll be back tomorrow, Mom.  Have a good night.’  I missed my Yoga class tonight, but somehow felt just a relaxed. Hanging out with her just has that effect sometimes.

3-11-2012

It's good to be home.

I stopped by Mom's first thing on my way home.  This is the longest trip I've had since she moved to her new apartment.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  It was just after 3, and the nurses told me she was in her room.

She didn't seem that happy or surprised to see me.  What I asked how she was, she said "Just sitting here." she was staring at a blank screen on the tv, and the said "Maybe you can help me fix this.  I was trying to put on a game to play, but I can't seem to find any games on here." 

'Games?  Do you mean movies, Mom?   I can put one in for you.'

"No, I thought your son had installed some games on here."  It was interesting - she asked me about 'my son' several times today, but never said his name.

I stayed for awhile, just relaxing....and after a hectic week on the road, it really was relaxing.  The only thing I can say about mom is that she seemed kind of out of it.  I think the best word would be 'groggy'.  Her speech was slurred, she was yawning a lot, and she kept talking about how tired she was after walking up and down all those hills.

After a Ford Explorer commercial she said "I'm not upset about not having a car anymore.  I used to be, but not anymore.  I have people that will take me wherever I need to go."

No anger or anxiety from her today.  Just boredom, perhaps?

3-8-2012

Just a quick update from Austin, after talking to Trish who has checked on Mom.  She said that she was doing fine, but that she was also talking as if she was in the past.  She also said she seemed surprised to see Trish - greeting her with a very cold "What are you doing here?" but that once she started visiting she was fine and friendly.

I'm looking forward to seeing her on Sunday.

3-3 through 3-5-2012

I have definitely been slacking!  Not on seeing Mom, but on writing about it.  Trying to get so many things wrapped up before leaving for Texas.  So what better to pass the time at the airport than getting caught up?

Mom has been looking rough the past few days.  Based on my notes...here's how the pas few days have gone.

Saturday, March 3
I stopped by in the early afternoon, before leaving for Missy's gymnastics meet in Maryland.  Mom was watching TV in her room, which was fairly dark.  She said she was doing ok, but when I asked why she was in her room rather than the main area, she got a little agitated "I couldn't take anymore of that coughing.  I don't pay all this money to have to listen to that shit all day. I know he can't help it, but I sure don't want to listen to it."

'Who, Mom?'


"That man that just coughs and coughs and coughs. Its like that pneumonia cough that you had.  Just on and on and on.  It's terrible."

Aside from that, her place looked very clean.  She had picked all the puzzle pieces up off the table, and all of her puzzles were back in the bag Paula gave her.  I didn't say anything about it, just told her I was on my way to Maryland and that I would see her tomorrow.

Sunday, March 4
Missy and I both went up to see her on our way home from visiting George Mason.  It was around 4:00, and she was sitting out in the main area with 2 other ladies.  As we walked up we could hear her going on and on about something.  She saw us and her eyes perked up, then she turned to one of the ladies and said "You know my daughter, Paula."


'I'm Kim, Mom.'


"No, I mean the other one."


'That's Missy.  We just got back from visiting her new school.  She's going to college soon.'

"She started beaming...that's so good!  She'll be able to get a good job today.  That's what we're doing here.  We're trying to help prepare her for the interview for a new job." She was pointing to one of the ladies at the table, while the other one's eyebrows raised and she smiled.  Mom went on and on, trying to coach her, until the woman said "Well thank you for trying to help me.  I really do appreciate it."

It's times like these that I know she needs to be where she is.  She also mentioned that she had been packing up her DVDs.  Missy and I went to her room and unloaded them all from the stacks she had made on her walker, and put them back on the shelf.  We went back out to the activity area - 'No more packing, Mom.  This is your home.'  "I know."  We chatted for a little while longer, and then I told her I was going to Texas on business, but that I would see her tomorrow.

Monday, March 5
I went by Mom's around 2 today.  She was in the main activity area, but sitting by herself at a table, and just looking rough.  When asked she said she was fine, but her eyes were kind of hazy, and she just looked very low on energy. When she started talking, I could tell she was out of it today.


"Paula was crying her eyes out when I left."


'She was? Why?' 


"They had a fight I guess.  I had never heard her husband ball her out like that before."  It's strange... these past few weeks are the fist time I had heard the phrase 'getting balled out' since I was a child.


'I think Paula is fine Mom, I saw her yesterday and everything seemed ok.'


"She covers up more than you think she does.  I remember when Paul and I broke up and he went out and got another woman.  He came back and told me that was nothing but trash, and he would never do that again. 'You're worth keeping, girl.'"  She was also making references to falling and hurting her leg, but the nurses didn't know anything about it. Her descriptions of the fall were really odd - something about her socks getting all rolled up...it was hard to piece together what she was trying to say.

She told me she liked my coat, and asked about the weather. "So do you got a special guy?"

'No, Mom.'  "Good.  You're better off that way.  So which way are you going when you leave?  I could have you drop me off at home rather than to try and walk out there in this."


'Your home is right down that hall Mom.'


"I left my hairpiece.  There are so many things that go through your mind when you hear things like that."

'Like what, Mom?'  "Like all those arguments everyone is having"

Of course I can't know for sure, but it seems like she's got a lot of past memories playing over and over again, and she gets herself depressed reliving them.  I'm hoping she'll be ok these next few days.  Trish is going to check on her this Wednesday.  I don't think I'll have any updates tomorrow.

3-2-2012

Mom was definitely off tonight, which wasn't that surprising given that it had been more than 24 hours since I hadn't seen her in more than 24 hours.  I also wasn't able to get there until late - around 8pm, and she was already in her bed, asleep.

I woke her up when I poked her head in her room, and had her come out and watch kitchen nightmares with me.  From what I could tell, something must have happened where she got confused and either tried to make someone else's bed or sleep in someone else's room.  There was a lot of rambling and strange comments that were hard to piece together, like....these old couples not wanting to sleep in a bed after a colored person had been in it (this making me think she was in the past), about having left her things in the other room while she was doing all that moving, about the sheets she got back in the laundry not fitting on her bed, asking again about when Kenny was going to come to help her move.

She seemed anxious when I went to leave also. "What if they ask me something and I can't remember the answer?" or "Will you be hack early? Early in the day is good."

Those moments when she is aware of her limitations must be very scary for her.  It would be scary for me too.

3-1-2012

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see Mom tonight.  I had an after-work event at the Jefferson and didn't get home until almost 10.  I'm going to try to get there early tomorrow if at all possible.