12-29-2011

Mom was in her apartment...it was BOILING. First thing I did was turn down the heat. It was on 73, which is high, but I think there is something wrong with the thermostat control on her heating unit.

First thing mom said was "I was at the doctor ALL day.  For 8 hours! He checked everything and said he would renew all the prescriptions he gave me before."

"Are your kids out partying?" mm....no, Mom. :-)

"Did they all like what they got? For Christmas..." Yes, we had a great Christmas.

"What did George get Paula?" I'm not sure...they've gone back to Baltimore. "Oh, that's right"

We talked about her meals, then I asked what else she had been doing...
"Oh, just looking around. I saw all the other single women that didn’t have dates, just sitting around enjoying their kids. Out the window."

Then she started getting weepy. "I’m so glad I got to give you the china from mom..." I told her I was glad we got to use it for Christmas.

"Yeah, mom and dad bought that over in Germany, when Dad was stationed overseas for 2 months.  He was so jolly when he brought it home.  Thats when mom said 'Now you give this china to Kim'. That was so important to her...and also because I dont even have a boyfriend, I’m not going to be throwing parties.  It really lights up your china closet. When I saw it, I thought oh this is ideal for her."

"So how are your babies doing? Are they looking forward to Santa Claus?" Mom...Christmas is over. Do you know what is coming up this weekend? New Years. Do you know what year it will be?

"Well, this is 66 so I guess it will be 67." I grinned. She grinned. Take another guess.

"6-0-6-0?" grin... not quite. It will be 2012. Let's hope its a good one.

"2012. 2012. I hope nobody has an accident.  I pray for that every night.  This is when I wish they had snacks downstairs.  Everybody noticed how nice my clothes were... they even said you’ve got your moon jamas on!" I asked her if she had been wearing her pajamas all day.

"no, no I was very sleek looking.  Wait until midnight, they’ll all be out on those roads.  All those people. They've all been drinking, they want to get back to their apartment.  They were showing pictures of 2 teenagers, sideswiped, it was in this area." (She's obviously been watching the news again).

The nurses all seem real nice - "uh-huh, and they know their business.  They train em for like 13 months before they even get on the floor.  But Wang, one training that I went through...all their tests are so hard. They might have combined with another company and got even bigger...joining the same computer force". Wang???, I asked her

"Oh yes, I loved that.  i put it on every morning and every night... I had scars from falling on the sidewalk so much...but they were good teachers."

"I don't have any sodas." She had wanted to offer me something while I was there. I gave her a hug and told her not to worry. We chatted a little longer and then I headed to the store.

Getting Things Started - Why The Daily Pearl?

I guess the place to start this blog off is, "Why am I doing this?"

It's a simple question that I would probably benefit from asking myself more often.

Well for starters, my mother has just been diagnosed as having advanced Dementia, and probably Alzheimer's.  Not that this was a shock to anyone in her family, but I guess it helped bring home the fact that our time with her is limited.  She could stay the way she is for years, or we could lose her in months... there's really no way to tell. There won't be anything in this blog as entertaining as "Sh*t my dad says" ... but she does say some interesting things sometimes that give a picture of what goes on inside the mind of someone suffering with Alzheimer's. "It's like my mind goes blank.  It spins around and around and around and then there's nothing there.  No thoughts"

Inspired by Noah Scalin, I've decided to make this my 'a day' project for 2012 - as a way to honor and capture what I can from the remaining memories of my mother, and to exercise my writing skills on a daily basis.  I stop in to see my mother every day.  It used to be to make sure she took her medicine, but now she's in a special care unit that does that, so I can just stop by to enjoy her.  I suppose there's some closure I'm seeking as well.  After years of subconsciously blaming my issues on my abusive mother, it's nice to get to know this new, more vulnerable side of her that I didn't get to see as often as I would have liked as a child.  The aging process does interesting thing to people.  5 years ago I would have sworn that I wouldn't shed a tear when she died. A few weeks ago, I balled my eyes out at the thought of her suffering in any way shape or form.  People do change.

As I spend time with my mother, I'm not sure whether I'm blessed with these moments as a permanent reminder to take care of myself so I don't end up like her, or as a glimpse into what an inescapable future might have in store for me.  In any case, this is one disease we have to find a cure for.  Alzheimer's is devastating not only to those it strikes, but in unimaginable ways to the families that love them.

The past few years have been quite a journey.  I write this now for myself, my family, and anyone else who wants to listen.  I'll probably slap an adwords link on the page at some point, but in the unlikely event that there are any proceeds, I will be sure they make it to the Alzheimer's Association.