1-31-2012

I had a good visit with Mom tonight.  I got there around 7, and Mom was in the activity room with several other residents, sitting on one of the benches wearing shorts.


'Hi, Mom. Why do you have shorts on?'

"Why not? I'm not going out anywhere, and it isn't cold or anything."

'True. true.' I sat down on the seat on her walker.  'So what have you been up to all day?'

"Oh we've had a good day.  We just got done playing bingo."

'Really? Did you win?'

"Pssshhhh... no.  I was trying to remember your phone numbers.  I don't have either your home or work telephone numbers written down, and I should.  Just in case I need to reach you, or is something were to happen to me."

'If anything happens, Mom, they know how to get in touch with me.'

I didn't take notes tonight, just sat and chatted with her.  There wasn't much out of the ordinary.  She continued to be very concerned about phone numbers, and remembering where all of her children work.  Once I told her, she talked a lot about how good Kenny was at his job, and that he whistled a lot when he worked...and kept repeating Paula and my company names to make sure she remembered.

One thing I could definitely tell is that she had been browsing through a phone book, and watching way too much election coverage on TV.  I got an education on all the legislation being debated that will take money away from widows, which would mean she couldn't afford to live here anymore."

She also told me my hair looked nice, and complimented me on my outfit.

"I really miss my Mom.  I think the only thing I did to disappoint her was having my children too young.  I was just a teenager."  This was odd to me, because she was 30 when she had me, and 22/married when she had my older brother.

"I miss my car, too. Of course they cost so much as far as insurance goes.  That would totally break me."

'It's ok Mom.  Everything is paid for here.  We can just relax and enjoy."


"I do like it here.  This is the best place I've ever lived."

'Did you eat your ice cream all up?'

"I have ice cream?" "Here?" her face was definitely lighting up.."Oh, I'll have to go gobble that up!"

We talked a little more and then I headed out.  I looked back as I was walking away.  I learned awhile back that you always need to look back, because often they are waving at you as you go.  Instead, she was talking to the woman sitting beside her.  "That's my oldest daughter, Kim."

There was such pride in her voice.  The woman beside her was in a more advanced stage, and I don't think understanding or responding to a word she said.

1-30-2012

I don't know what year it was for Mom tonight, but it certainly wasn't 2012.

I didn't get there until 8 tonight, but I was bringing goodies with me - including a cup of decaf, a 2-liter bottle of diet 7-up for her fridge, and even a tiny container of no sugar added ice cream. I was ready!

When I got to her unit, the first thing I heard was the nurse saying "See your daughter is here right now."  Mom was sitting in the nurse's office.  She looked up at me and said "I'm trying to find my husband."

Oh boy.

I walked in - 'Ok Mom.  I brought you some food and stuff for your apartment, do you want to walk with me so we can go put it away? I've even got a cup of coffee' She didn't have her cane or her walker with her, and was dressed in her pajamas. 'No walker tonight Mom?'

"What - are you going to drink my coffee?" she was smiling.

'No, Mom.  I'll give it to you when we get to your apartment.'  She was definitely wobbling a little...and not entirely "there". What's going on Mom? How was your day?'

"Oh I have had a BUSY day today, walking around from floor to floor trying to find the children.  I know where they are though...in that room at the end of the hall, sitting on the edge of the bed"

'Why don't you sit down Mom.' I put the soda and ice cream in her fridge.  It was interesting to see she was still hoarding strange things there...she had several small juice cups, and some butter and jelly containers, the little single serving size ones they give you with meals.  She used to do that in her old place.

"Kenny was supposed to send them a check, I have no idea if they got it or not.  The sitter said they've all been good today. Can you believe that? My kids?  I used to always have to fight with them... they'd always fight with each other - stop touching me!  What are you supposed to say to that? It's not like they're molesting each other...but when you have them so close in age, they're always complaining about touching each other" 

I wasn't sure exactly how to respond, other than to nod and keep changing the subject back to the present.  'Uh-huh.  How was the food - did you eat well today?' 

"I don't know where my husband is.  They said they had to call the doctor because all my pills were out - there is going to be a big pharmacy bill, and I don't know how they're going to get paid.  Do I need to write them a check?"

No Mom, it's all taken care of.

"Well I know its taken care of, but how?  All the years we've been married he never writes the checks.  I always pay all the bills.  He would say 'I'm the boss and that's that. And I ain't writing no god damned check.  You want to be the boss, and go to work rather than watch the kids..you write those blankity blank checks.' You know how he talks"

Oh goody - I get to hear from Dad tonight too. "He, who, Mom?"

"You know... " she was struggling to recall..."you know. my husband."

"My Dad? Paul?"

"Yes, Paul.  He wrote the check and I don't even know if its active or any good even. I don't even think he has a checkbook"

'Don't worry, Mom.  It's all taken care of now, by Medicare.' Just looking for an answer that would allow her to stop worrying, given that obviously money was on her mind.

"Oh! Well that's good.  But don't we still need to send a check?"

'Nope...everything gets paid automatically...the computers take care of it.  Just like direct deposit, everything just gets taken care of automatically.' She was smiling...amazed. Yeah...I never write checks anymore.  Everything just gets paid on its own.

"Well that's good.  I hope they take the right amount.  But I guess you keep an eye on all that right? It has been one busy day today.  I learned so many new things."

'That's good.  What have you been learning?'

"I learned a lot of the new things that I'll be working with.  My job will be much larger and pay more.  They said they have approved it and I will be promoted to woman of the year.  I was just worried about paying the babysitter, and thought I would just wait, and now that you're home we can pay.  They've been real good though sleeping since like....(looking at her watch)...like 8:00" 

'You might want to get some rest too, don't you think?' 

"Yes, at some point."  She looked up at the clock on the wall, which was stopped at 4:30.  "I think that one is off - I might need you to get up there and fix it."

'I'll have to bring you a new battery for it tomorrow.'

"Oh, ok.  That sounds good."  It is strange to me when she jumps back and forth between now and the past...I can't even imagine what it must be like for her. It's hard to describe...when she's really 'out of it' you feel afraid to say anything that might make it worse or confuse her more.

"This is the first time I've had such good babysitters.   They fed them and everything..I just want to make sure we've paid them right." Don't worry, Mom.  I'll double check before I go home (trying to reinforce that I am visiting, not home)  "Our job is never done is it?"  'No it sure isn't'  both of us smiling.  

"Yes, I was at work all day. They're still trying to figure out what to call me, as far as a title goes..and everybody has to vote.  There are so many new things that have to be applied to our offices."

'Sounds like you're going to have a busy day tomorrow...probably good to get some rest.'

I helped her get to her chair, and America's funniest home videos was on.  She was still a bit confused, talking about watching this tv, but that she had another one upstairs in her room.  I stuck around for a bit, just repeating that the nurse would probably be in shortly to give her some medicine before bed.  She repeated a few times - "I really do like it here.  It's so nice, especially after a long day's work."

She took the words right out of my mouth.  G'nite, Mom.  See you tomorrow.

"Ok, thanks for stopping by!"

1-29-2012

Trish and I got to Mom's a little after 7 tonight, and took some coffee up with us.  She looked good...was alone in her room, sitting in the dark.  After turning the lights on we both sat down for awhile.  She asked Trish about school and then asked both of us what we had been up to.

'We were at Kelsey's birthday party today. You remember Kelsey...she's your GREAT grandaughter, Kenny Junior's oldest.  She's 4 now.'

"Wow, she's 4 already?"  She seemed to be very 'tuned in' tonight, her hair looked good, clothes matched, right pair of glasses... they're really taking good care of her. She also asked "Well how old are Chuck's kids? Are they getting big too?"


You mean Nika and Tyler?

"Yes, the little ones."


They're getting big too.  Nika just turned 9.  They grow up so fast!

We asked what she had been up to all day.


"Oh - I've had a great day, very busy.  We went outside../well, they won't let me go anywhere here without my walker.  First I heard them saying they were going outside..."

Yes, it was a beautiful day today, wasn't it?

"Yes, but I forgot my...well, I got a little cold" She also talked about how much she liked it there, how sometimes she played cribbage, or bingo or other games.  "Those ladies are funny."  I don't know how much of any of this is true, of course.  My gut tells me she is working extra hard to keep the conversation going, and positive, because she is hoping we'll stay with her.  She asked us both individually if we were staying overnight, and wanted to know what time I would be there in the morning.

I won't be here until after work, Mom.  Later in the evening.

"Oh good - at least I'll know not to be looking for you."

We watched tv some more and just talked for a while.  Nothing eventful tonight, and all things considered, Mom looked and sounded good.

1-28-2012

I didn't get to Mom's until 7 tonight.  I was ready for pretty much anything.  I guess I had this new hypothesis that she was normally better during the days.  As I got off the elevator, the nurse said "Your name is Kim, right?"

Yes.  "Oh, well she told me to let you know that she is in her room." Well, alrighty..I had hoped to get there earlier, and now was thinking she might have been worried.

She was actually in pretty good shape.  I knocked and then poked my head through the door.  "Come on in, this show is funny."  She was in her chair watching America's Funniest Home Videos.  I sat down, relaxed and asked about her day. 

"Oh, I've just been hanging with the girls.  When are we leaving?"  Leaving? Where are we going?

"I don't know, I thought we were going somewhere. I'll need my suitcases back when we do."

We aren't going anywhere Mom.  This is your home.     

"Yes, but no one knows where I am."

Sure they do, Mom.  everyone knows where you are.

"They do? I guess I just miss seeing them is all."  I asked about what she had eaten today...her answer is always turkey, although I've seen the menus that come with each meal laying around and I know they serve more than that, it seems to be what she remembers most clearly. 

Do you remember the names of any of the girls you've been hanging with?

"No, we just say 'hey you!' and start talking.  Then we ask each other if we're missing a girl or a boy.  The police will call sooner or later when they find them." I couldn't really grasp the rest of what she was saying.  She was wearing her good glasses.

Oh - you're wearing your good glasses! "Yes I put the other ones in the drawer."

Well those look good, better than those big ones you had on. "Hey! that was a compliment."

I wasn't really in a hurry tonight, so we watched back to back episodes of America's funniest, laughing the whole time.  At one point she told be should couldn't figure out how to turn that light on - pointing at the sprinkler.

That's because that's a sprinkler, Mom.  It would only come on if there's a fire.

Then out of the blue and sounding calm and clear as a bell, she said "I know you keep telling me that this is my home but I can't seem to get it into my head.  So I don't have to pack or anything?"  Nope, you live here.

She just paused for a minute.  "Well, I really like this place. It's bigger than the other one, and really comfortable. And every day they give me my medicine... 4 times!"

Yes, they're very good about remembering.

"Are you off tomorrow? ...I think I'd like tho go to a movie."  uh-oh... not tomorrow.

Sorry Mom, I can't tomorrow.  "Why not? What are you doing?"  

I'm going to Virginia Beach tomorrow, Mom, but I'm still going to come and see you.

"Oh... ok." She was definitely disappointed.  I felt bad too, because it was so positive to see her asking for what she needs/wants in a healthy rather than passive/aggressive way.  "Well if you do go out I'd like either a pepsi or a coke, diet I mean.  She checks my sugar 4 times a day. Last time it was 98, then 101."  That's great, Mom!  "Well I haven't had any candy, and I don't have any money to buy any. I just go down to where we eat and eat.   I don't even have anything to popcorn.  No candy in the house. Nothing."

All and all, it was great to hear her laughing.  Really laughing...tonight she seemed really clear and really healthy.  It feels like the longer they keep her sugar in check, the more aware she is.  Unfortunately, that also means that the more aware she is, the more she knows what she is missing.  I never did bring her that ice cream...will try to do that for her tomorrow, and maybe go to the movies next weekend.

1-27-2012

I got to Mom's early today, close to 3pm.  When I got there, she was downstairs with the other residents, listening to a singer/pianist, They were all singing "You are my sunshine," including Mom. 

She was so excited to see me.. and almost instantly introduced me to her friend.  "This is my daughter, Kim.  How old are you now?  19, right?" I handed her the coffee I brought her and she was beaming from ear to ear.

40, Mom.

"Oh my goodness.  That's right...she's 40, and my oldest son Kenny is... how old?" 48 "Oh my goodness.  I have 3 children, and the oldest is 48!"  The woman beside her replied, "Yeah, mine is 55."

The singer/musician continued on with America the Beautiful and the Star Spangled Banner.  All of the residents were into it, and singing proudly.  Mom was really weepy as far as the songs.  They kept reminding her of the past and she made lots of comments about memories.  

"They played awl my favorite songs" (in her most Southern accent)..she kept referring to my Dad and talking about the wonderful music.  "I even cried..or made out. I wasn't supposed to tell you that last part. (all smiles)  Paul used to sing those songs to me. I would say, ok one more kiss, one more song.  Then he would say "OK, two more kisses, two more songs." 

It was time to go back upstairs.  What a project that is!  There is only 1 elevator that leads to their locked unit, and you have 30+ Alzheimers patients, most of whom are using walkers or wheelchairs, and you need to get them upstairs. While we were waiting for our turn on the elevator, Mom talked to several of the residents...introducing me to each one with so much pride in her voice.  I also counted, and there were only 3 men in the room.

"That was really wonderful.  I used to have all these records, but now of course they're missing. I used to carry them in my car all those years, and then someone came in and took them."

We got back upstairs and sat at the table, where several of the other residents also sat down.  I sat beside Mom, using the seat on her walker.  They started talking to each other.  One woman said "Well wasn't that just wonderful, wasn't it"  and Mom replied "Yes, it certainly was.  My husband used to sing all those songs to me.  Of course, he's been dead for [pause] five years (it's actually been 22, but I didn't correct her).  I danced with him for eight years. I remember when he would bring me home, and Mom would keep flicking the light.  It's time to come in!"

"I don't know if Paula likes country music. I played it so much in the car.  She would tell me - ok, but we're not listening to this for more than 30 minutes.  I used to drive her crazy.  She wanted to listen to all that other stuff.  I'm so glad you stopped by and thank you for the coffee.  Its great that here we are being entertained by more professionals than it the other place I lived. Where did my walker go?"


I'm sitting on it Mom.

"Oh, well you can take it to a carpenter shop so that they can attach...I don't know...a pillow or something.  These are all my best friends." [motioning to the women at the table].  I had given her decaf coffee, but she was really wound up..talking and talking...and cheerful.  "I really started young having babies. I think I was 14..no 16 and then the next year another one and another one, and by the time you get to 3 you're in trouble. They would say... [singing] Here comes Pearl, here comes Pearl right down Santa Claus lane."

"We had planned on taking a bus..but then we would have no way to get back.  They said they would just drop us of...in the main street of DC, with no ride home. That's when they found that other man who knew how to play the piano, so they asked him to sing for us and he said sure!  This has been a wonderful day. There are so many nice people here that weren't in the other one.  This is the best place I've lived.  I love the apartment.  When people come is they say - Wow, were you an interior decorator? I still like going to the river sometimes though.  The one we used to go to."

I have no idea what river she is talking about, but all in all it was a great visit.  Lots of laughs today, for both of us.

1-26-2012

Let me start tonight with a positive!  When I got to Mom's (around 6:45), the temperature in her room was *comfortable* for a change.  A few minutes later the fan automatically shut off and later it came back on, so they must have had someone come in and fix the thermostat.  Thank goodness.

As for Mom...hmm...she was very disoriented tonight, and anxious, as opposed to angry.  I said hello and asked her what she was up to, and the first thing I got was "Oh just sitting here looking out the door, waiting for my girls to come home or call. You usually call"  Oh boy...here we go again I thought.


'Oh, well I was just working, Mom'.

"Come on in. Have a sit down. Cartoons are on...I worry is all."

'Sorry you were worried Mom.  I can't stay too long tonight, I have to get Jaymz to drums.'

"Oh did he call?"  Who, Jaymz? "Yes, did Jaymz call?" No, Mom.  He's at home waiting for me to pick him up.

"Oh, well at least you're here.  I'm so glad. They'll probably call you before they call me."  Who will call you, Mom?

"My girls.  There's all kind of stuff they can get in to. And then you know what the boys always have on their minds"  It occurred to me that she might not even be recognizing me...or was at least disconnected between the memory of waiting for me to call and the present of me being there with her.

'I'm right here, Mom.  Do you know who I am?'

"Yes. You're Kim."  Right, I'm one of your girls. Who are your other girls?

"I have 2 daughters. My friends girls called their mothers and told then where they would be, at whose house, having a party.  But mine didn't bother to call me. I don't know where to call and tell them to come home, because you know it's getting late. It's dark out there."  I tried to change the topic to the picture that was on the table which she must have colored earlier in the day.  It didn't work.

"I just worry.  It's natural for a mother to worry.  I just sit here waiting for everyone to come home and I worry.  It's not like I'm going to ball them out when they get here, or restrict them or anything...I know how teenagers are."  Oh boy...I've been here before. "I just get frustrated. They know I don't have a car to pick them up, and they'll have to pay the ticket themselves. I'm sure not going to pay it."

Just then another resident walked in.  That startled me a little. There are no locks on any of the doors.  I said hello, "I'm Pearl's daughter.'

"Yes, that's my oldest daughter, Kim.  She's...she's...how old are you now?"

40.

Mom started laughing out loud.  "Oh pishaw...you're not 40! 40? Come on stop playing."

I'm 40, Mom.  How old did you think I was? "Oh I don't know... 18? 20, maybe?"

LOL Hell, I ought to hang out here more often!

We chatted a little with the other resident, who said she had been scared.  She seemed a little disconnected too, and I've read that things tend to get scary at night.  Mom continued to express worry about her children, and how she wanted them to come home.  'Everyone's safe Mom.  Kenny is at home with his family.  Paula is at her home with her family.  My kids are all safe and I'll be back to see you tomorrow.'

She looked sad and lonely.  "Ok." It was a heartbreakingly weepy tone.

The thing about all this is...if what I've read is correct and they tend to relive memories of the past, it saddens me that the memories that seem to keep coming up are worrying about where I was and when I was coming home.  I put my parents through hell back then...hearing her re-live that over and over might be a fitting punishment, but not one I'm looking forward to.

I'm glad it's almost the weekend and I'll get to spend more time with her.  I'd rather make new memories, no matter how difficult that might be to do.  We'll start with Rapunzel!

1-25-2012

Mom looked great tonight.  Her room was COLD this time, so I turned the heater on.

I got there around 7 and we just watched TV, chit-chatting.  She was just making conversation, asking me how I was, very pleasant.  "So what have you been doing all day?"

Just working, Mom.  Like always.

"Boy I bet you'll get a nice check this week!"

Yes, I'm very lucky.


"You really like this job, don't you?"

I thought to myself - heh...which one?  And then I just answered... 'Yes, I sure do.'  I haven't told her about my business.  I doubt she remembers what I do or who I work for.  A few years ago she used to always listen to updates for my company's stock price and would tell me if we were red or green when I saw her. Now she probably doesn't remember, and it's more effort than its worth to try to explain.  Doesn't really matter does it?  I'd rather talk about how she's doing in the here and now.

I asked what she had been up to all day. "Well, we got to go singing.  downstairs.  We were all singing Christmas carols.  I have no idea how we sounded."  It just kept getting better. "But these were IRISH Christmas carols, of course.  And the man said this one's for Pearl and all the other Irish people out there.  The men were singing so deep...like this." - she started singing.

"What's Paula doing tonight?"

'I don't know Mom.  I guess she's at home.'

"Where?"  At home I guess.

"Oh at home, cleaning house I bet.  You know once you have that 3rd... no wait...I mean second one, it changes and you have to clean, clean, clean. One day you'll come home and....gasp....face powder all over the floor!" I was trying to remember if I had done that.

I told her I needed to leave soon...it was almost 8, and I wasn't sure Jaymz had even eaten. Not that I cook for him or anything...I was just tired as heck and making an excuse.  "Just pull out a pot pie.  I used to always go grocery shopping on Fridays.  I would buy about 6 pot pies and then I would never need to worry about food.  If someone stopped by, at least I would have something to offer."  Funny - I don't remember a lot of pot pies, but never paid much attention, I guess.


"I'm glad you stopped in tonight.  It's always nice to see you.  I was getting kind of lonely."


I'm glad I stopped in too, Mom.  See you tomorrow.

1-24-2012

Yikes!  Just realized I hit "Save" rather than "Publish" yesterday, which left this post in draft status....

*****************

Got to Mom's around 7:30.  It was hot again, even though the thermostat was on 65.  The nurses apparently think she likes it that way.  I passed by a nurse on my way down the hall to her room and she said "You know I just left your mother asleep in her chair.  At least I got her night clothes on."

I got to Mom's room and she was awake watching TV.  I sat down and relaxed.  "How was your visit with Paula?"

"Oh it was nice.  We didn't fight once.  That's pretty good."

She continued on about something I never quite put together the pieces for... "I have to wake up at 5 am tomorrow.  They haven't decided who's going to do the cooking yet.  You know we're cooking on a tin can.  None of them have been camping before so it should be interesting."

Later on she continued to talk about cooking breakfast, and how she didn't know what she was going to fix since there aren't any eggs in her refrigerator.  It is kind of strange for them, I suppose.  They have appliances there, so it feels like a normal apartment, but aside from the refrigerator, none of them work...and even the refrigerator is empty.  Is that better or worse for the confusion? I get that a stove is a dangerous thing for someone with Alzheimer's, but which leads to more confusion - having one there that doesn't work, or not having one at all?  Her room is 1000 times better than a nursing home, so I'm definitely not complaining.

We watched Big Bang Theory, with mom laughing out loud in all the right places.

I told her about Jaymz's extractions, and she advised me to make sure I tell the dentist what time I want to be out of there and then go to work.

'This is nice, Mom. Relaxing.'

"Yes, no kids running around to worry about...who's taking care of them?" 

'They're all grown now Mom.  They take care of themselves for the most part.'

"Oh."  I sat for a bit, and gave her a hug and a kiss....then headed out for the night.

1-23-2012

What a day... horrible travel issues.  Missy and I didn't get to Mom's until after 8 and she was already asleep.  I tried waking her up, but she was really out cold so we decided to let her rest.

A few other things... her room was hot, again.  The thermostat was on 68, but it was boiling.  I talked to the nurses...again.  If they don't get someone to address it I'm going to call the resident manager.

Also, her cell phone magically appeared on top of her chest.  She must have found it somewhere.  I decided to take it with me.  I can't cancel her contract yet, but there is no sense risking it being taken or misused. There was also a pair of glasses that I hadn't seen before.  I have no idea where she got them, but at least they were bi-focals?

1-22-2012

Quick update tonight.  Sitting in our room, all packed and ready to catch an early flight tomorrow.  It will be nice to see Mom tomorrow, and get back into the normal routine...but I can't lie, it has been nice to take a break for a few days.  Really cleared my head.

Paula stopped in to see Mom on her way home today.  She trimmed her down to one suitcase and left a new movie for her, Rapunzel, which she really liked.  I haven't seen it, so it will be good to watch with her one of these days.

That's pretty much it for now.  Next stop, back in Virginia!

1-21-2012

Just got off the phone with Paula, who is still at Mom's watching movies with her and Caitin.  She said she almost didn't recognize Mom when she got there and found her sleeping in the main area.

Other than that - Aladdin and cartoons seem to be a big hit, and Paula is having to keep Mom from snapping at or being mean to Caitin, but otherwise they're having a good visit.

Paula is unpacking and putting away clothes again too.  We debated taking her suitcases out of there.  It might be worth a try.  My guess is mom is going to notice, and may get anxious about it at first, but will eventually adjust.  TBD.

1-20-2012

Just got back to our room after a LONG day with a lot of gymnasts.

Trish was able to check on Mom.  It was great to get her text this afternoon.  She said Mom was in a good mood, and excited to show off her room.  Mom told her about her daughter being away on vacation, without connecting that I was not only her daughter, but also Trish's mom.

She also reminded Trish that we need to keep an eye on Missy with the boys, because we don't want any Missy babies running around.  I guess its a good thing Missy has such a good head on her shoulders.  She has been awesome this weekend.

Trish was also able to get of work early tomorrow so that she can spend more time with Paula and Caitin.  I'm looking forward to hearing how their visit goes.  I know Mom will be thrilled to see them.

1-19-2012

Missy and I arrived safely in Orlando.  Not much to report... I didn't have time to see Mom before our flight left this morning, and Trish had a long day of work/school/driving Jaymz home, and she couldn't check on her either, but she will tomorrow.  At least we know she is being looked after and taking her medicine.

I'm sitting here remembering when Mom came with us to Florida.  I think it was in the Spring of 2002.  It was shortly after I moved home from Arizona...I had tons of Marriott points and wanted to thank her for all of her help with the kids the previous summer, and we stayed in a nice place.  It was a busy week!...Sea World, Epcot, The Magic Kingdom, and an hour or two at MGM.  The kids were all at ages where they could enjoy everything, and we had a great trip.  I don't remember everything, but I think we drove??  Or we may have had miles too...I can't believe I don't remember that.

'2002' doesn't sound like it was that long ago, less than 10 years even... and it is startling to think of how quickly things change, and how much she has slid down hill.  I do remember at the time that we had to get her a motorchair because she had difficulty walking, and she has always had moods and outbursts... but other than that, she still had it together back then.  She was working at camp and managing her own affairs.  For her it was supposed to be a break from taking care of HER mother, my grandma.

Just reflecting on how important it is to enjoy every day we have.  They pass by before you know it!

1-18-2012

I got to Mom's around 7:30 tonight and had no idea what to expect, but was prepared for pretty much anything.  I grabbed a cup of coffee for her on my way in, and when I got upstairs, there was no one in the main room, and the door to her apartment was wide open.  This is what I saw:

Apparently we've been packing again today.  The living room tv was on, but Mom was asleep in her bed, it was dark, and the tv in her room was on too, with only snow on the screen.  That tv doesn't have cable connected so I should really take it out of there, but she was used to having one in her old place.  

Mom?  Are you ok?

She started talking right away.  "Did you find Jaymz?"

Jaymz is ok.  Why, where was he?

"I lost him.  We were at the smithsonian, and he went off to look at the gun exhibit and someone, some sort of psycho I guess, came and took him.  They were questioning me and we looked all over and he was nowhere to be found.  Nowhere."

That sounds like a bad dream, Mom.  I brought you some coffee.

"Oh coffee?  That sounds good!"  

She got out of bed, and the first thing I noticed was her hair.  She finally got her perm.  Your hair looks great, Mom.

"Yes, I know.  Everyone keeps telling me how good it looks...I have to pay something, or something."

It's all taken care of, Mom.

She came and sat in the living room "That coffee hit the spot."   A little later I asked her if she remembered why she was packing.  "They came and told me I had to go to a babysitting job.  And baby sitters have to dress a certain way."  

'Oh, ok.  Let me start putting your things away.'

I started putting everything away...well everything except the clothes that she had taken off the hangars.  It was a little unsettling that she had one of her kitchen chairs in her room.  I can't stand the thought that she might have been using that to try to get things off the top shelf in her closet.  I came back and sat down for a bit, and then let her know I would be gone for a few days, taking Missy to a gymnastics meet in Florida, but that Trish was going to see her and Paula would be coming on Saturday with Caitin.  There were a few questions about what day it is and how many days I would be gone.   I said yes, but Paula will be bringing her daughter with her.  "Yes, that will be great.  I've never seen her.... except in pictures."

Well, you'll definitely get to see her on Saturday.

"And you get off scott free."  Scott free? "Well, you get a nice vacation."

It's just a gymnastics meet Mom, I'll be back on Monday.   "Well could you leave me like..I don't know...5 dollars or something?"  I guess I could...for what? "In case I want to buy something. An ice cream or something."  Maybe I'll bring her some ice cream when I get back.  

We watched tv for a little bit, then I told her goodnight and gave her a hug and a kiss.  All in all it was a good visit.  Her room was hot again though, and I made sure to grab the nurse on my way out.  I stood there while she called maintenance and heard them say someone would be on their way up.  Let's hope so.

 

1-17-2012

Tonight was just plain rough.  I've been procrastinating for a couple of hours not wanting to type this.

I got to Mom's a little before 7.  It has been a long day, I was exhausted, and honestly looking forward to just relaxing a bit with her.  Their floor is so quiet...just sitting in a rocker vegging out is actually appealing.  When I got to the lobby, I noticed a resident leaving a table with coffee containers and remembered how Mom had been mentioning coffee so much lately.  I thought I would surprise her and bring a cup up with me.

I got upstairs and Mom was alone in the activity room...walking down the wrong hall from where her apartment is.  No walker, no cane, no shoes...just mis-matched socks.  She saw me, and seemed startled.

Hi Mom, where are you going?

It is hard to describe her reaction.  She went off on me.  WENT OFF. I know this isn't word for word, but it was something to the tune of "Where do you think I'm going? How dare you do that to me.  I am your mother. Your mother! And neither of you even bothered to call me.  You or Paula.  You may not like it, but I am your mother!  They aren't going to let you check out of this place without me...you know that don't you.  And you won't get one penny from me...not one...and you'll get stuck paying the hospital bill all by yourself.  How dare you treat me that way...you think you're so cute don't you - to hell with you!" and proceeded to walk down the wrong hall.

Where are you going, Mom?  "To my apartment.  I've had enough of your shit."

Well alrighty then.... 'I brought you some coffee, Mom.  Would you like some?'

"Well I guess so, if you want to give it to me...I can't even think about all the trouble you've caused.  Both of you, in the hospital.  And you didn't even think to call me?" She turned and walked away.  I was a little in shock...and grabbed my phone to try to record this, because I knew I wouldn't remember it all.

Her last comment pretty much sums it up - "I don't know who to believe anymore."

I can only imagine how scary it would be.  I went back to her room and stayed with her for awhile.  Her room was boiling hot again...and she was fit to be tied the entire time.  The nurse dropped in, and gently hinted that Mom had been a little... 'well, you know.  off.'  Yes - I definitely know.  I said to mom.. 'She was just checking on you.  It's good that you have a lot of people looking out for you.'  "Yes I do.  And at least somebody cares about me since you clearly don't give a shit."  Mom continued to talk about the accident...apparently someone had told her that both Paula and I were in an accident.  She kept thinking Paula was still in the hospital, and snapping at me with all kinds of harsh statements "Did either of you think to call Kenny?  I bet you didn't did you."

The thing about all this was....  I knew the woman I saw tonight, very well.  I grew up with her... The comments she had for me that I didn't record were things like "Well did you get a ticket?"  No, Mom.  "What did you do, bat your little blue eyes at the officer? 'Oh nooooo Mr Officer.(mocking me)   I didn't do anything wrong.  I NEVER do anything wrong.  Horse shit.  I know you, Kim.  I know more about you than you might think I do. You may not care about me, but I AM YOUR MOTHER"

Yep... that's my Mom.

She told me I didn't care about her several times... "I could die tomorrow and you wouldn't care. You don't love me." All I could think about were the times (yes, plural) when as very young girls she threatened my sister and I that she was going to go drive herself off the Wilson bridge.  Paula used to cry and try to stop her.  I used to sit calmly on the couch and say to her 'No you, won't.' (Yes Mom, I always knew more about you than you thought I did too) to which she would melt down and scream at my father  "See? I told you she doesn't love me."

Today I responded a bit differently though -

Yes I do love you Mom, why do you think I'm here?   "I don't know. Just to see if I'm still alive, I guess."

Ouch.

Here's that full segment -

The thing is... its so easy to see through these things now, and there is so much to learn wrapped up in there.  I didn't respond like I used to...just took deep breaths and tried to remember the Alzheimer's stuff I've read - find the source of the problem and correct that.  Obviously tonight she heard or saw something that made her think something had happened to my sister and I, and realizing she didn't know how to get in touch with us...felt helpless and it turned to anger. She feels abandoned, and I get that.  I focused on fixing the heat, which they are going to have someone look at ASAP..and reassuring her I would see her tomorrow.

In a real nasty tone she said "Well, if someone calls will you at least answer the phone? I'm going to go upstairs and go to bed."  Sure, Mom.

A few minutes later, I poked my head into the bathroom... 'Are you ok Mom?  I'm going to head out and will see you tomorrow.'

In an attempt to sound authoritative - "And exactly why can't you sleep here?" again revealing one of the cores behind this whole episode - her most commonly used manipulation tactic that hasn't ever worked on me.... guilt

Because I need to go home to my children, Mom.

"Oh, ok.  I'll see you tomorrow then."  

'Nuff said.

1-16-2012

I got to Mom's around 4:00 today.  She was in her room and had her hair up in a bun.  It looked really cute.

I like your hair Mom.

"Yes, well all my girlfriends decided that I needed to put it up and they did it for me."  I sat down in the rocker.

Well I like it, how has your day been?


"Oh, ok I guess.  We just walk around to different rooms asking questions.  They're recording everything we do on video.  I know I'm going to be asked about what I've done.  'What were you talking to so and so about?'  They record everything."  She talked about that 3 or 4 times later. "I know where I am - this is my place.  My room, I mean. I need the social.  I like to be around people."


Well there's a whole bunch of people out in the main room, Mom.  Robert is reading to everyone.


"Oh really?"

Everything else seemed to be ok.  She was fairly alert.  The nurse came in to check her sugar and give Mom her meds before mealtime.  I really like that she is on a 'sliding scale' now.  The doctors have given them a chart, and they give her a certain amount of insulin based on what her sugar is.

She asked the nurse - "Well if I want to go out and walk around is it ok? Can I do that?"

The nurse told her she couldn't go out unless a nurse or Robert the activity director was with her.  She was referring to 'out'side I think.


'Yes, but mom, you can go to the main room down the hall anytime you want.'

"Oh really?"  Then the nurse nodded and said they were about to start serving dinner too.

'I'll walk with you, Mom.'

We started walking down the hall using her walker.  I straightened her pants out.  "This is such a long walk... they're filming everything."  As we got closer to the tables "Oh there's all my friends."

I helped her get situated and told her I would see her tomorrow.  All seems to be well in Pearl's world today.  Slowly but surely she's adjusting.  I still think there are times when she is very aware of where she is, as well as her condition, and isn't always happy about it.

1-15-2012

I didn't get to Mom's until after 8 tonight.  I had gone shopping beforehand and bought her some more supplies.

As soon as I walked into the unit, the nurse says "We were just talking about you.  Your Mom said 'my daughter didn't come see me today.  She usually comes at night."  So much for thinking she doesn't notice.  She then told me Mom's sugar was 190 so she was going to give her a small dose of insulin - 2 units.  She used to get 24 units in a single dosage, now they have really got it under control.  She told me she's only getting 2 units a few times a day. She also told me that Mom was planning to walk across the street to buy some coffee, and that she would probably be tired because they had a busy day.

I went to Mom's room, said hello and then put her supplies in the closet.  Mom was sitting in her rocking chair, in the dark, and pointing a flashlight at the TV. 'Mom, what are you doing?'

"I'm trying to fix this thing"  Apparently she had tried to watch a movie and her TV was stuck on the settings screen.

'Why don't we turn the lights on?'

We got the lights on, the TV fixed and then were watching the Golden Globes together.  The nurse came in to give Mom her insulin.  She was so sweet.  I said to Mom - 'you're lucky to have her taking such good care of you.'

"Yep, that's what I told her.  I worked at Tastee Freeze 2 times.  That's where I met my second husband." The nurse just went right along with her. After the nurse left I asked what she had been up to all day.

"Oh nothing."


'Really?  I heard you guys were pretty busy today.'

"No, not really."  I could tell she was a little down.  She asked about my day, and my work, and how Missy was liking... something...then forgot what she was trying to say. She asked about my children, and "How's Paula doing?" "They almost lost several tenants, at least 3 after the coffee incident.  I wasn't going to make a fuss, but running out of coffee and a lot of the weekly residents, even the men, just might not renew." She then told me I could take the fresh cut flowers on her table and plant them in my garden.

'Thanks, Mom.  I'll try that.'  I got lots of instructions on how to pour hot water into the ground and do all kinds of stuff so that they would grow perfectly.  I thought about all the gardening books we had given away after this last move, and how much garden stuff of hers that is sitting in my garage unused.  She really loved gardening.  I pretty much suck at it.  Maybe I'll give it another shot this coming spring.

I took the cut flowers with me when I left and told her I would see her tomorrow.  I could tell she was sad to see me go.  I was a bit sad to leave too.

1-14-2012

"Jubilee" would be an interesting word for today's visit.

I got there shortly after noon, and found Mom walking down the other hallway that leads to their activity area  (as opposed to the one her apartment on), and not using either her walker or her cane.  'Hi Mom - what are you doing?'

"I need to go change clothes, I've had an accident. It's so embarassing"


Don't worry, Mom.  Let's find your walker and go to your apartment.  

She hadn't been wearing any of her Depends, which I asked about and got a story about how they keep coming in and taking them out of her closet.  I looked and all she had were these large diapers, rather than the pull up kind.  I made a mental note to buy her some more.

Her room was WAY too hot again, and the clothes changing process took a long time. I ended up needing to help her.  She was trying to put her pants on with her shoes on, and got stuck.  On a positive note, I saw that her toenails had been trimmed.  I asked her if she had seen the podiatrist.

"Yes, and don't my toes look so much better?" They sure do, Mom.

"Don't say anything to the nurses about my diapers being missing."

Why not, Mom?  If things are missing, I should talk to them about it, and they should be able to give you more. They have them here.'

"I don't want to get blacklisted.  You know how that goes...everyone just talking behind my back and turning their heads on me."

I wouldn't worry about that, Mom.  It is their job to help take care of you.

We started walking toward the jubilee, using her walker.  It took us 15 minutes to get from her room to downstairs, and she was very wobbly the whole way.  One of the nurses came behind us and rather than go around, she stayed with us...coaching Mom on how to lift up her knees and stand closer to her walker.  I should have been doing a better job.

We finally got to the "Jubilee" and sat down to be served.  "You're going to eat with me too?" Yep.  "Cool!  I'll take every minute I can get."

We chit chatted about the food and decorations, and I talked briefly to the other woman at our table.  Then Mom said "Speaking of borrowing.  I could sure use some money."  For what, Mom?  "In case I want to buy stuff when I go out."  I just kept eating... a few minutes later "I think I want to buy a bicycle."

What are you going to do with a bicycle, Mom? All I could think about was the difficulty she had walking here.

"So that I can go riding outside, around the block.  It should be around $26 dollars."  Oh, ok...well you might want to wait until the weather gets a little warmer.  I went up to get us some dessert, and brought back a plate with 4 little bon bons on it for us to share, and was very impressed when Mom only ate one and then said she had enough.  "There is so much sugar in that."

If only she could have thought that way 10 years ago.  Even worse...that thought didn't stop me from eating the 3rd one, which I shouldn't have done.  We made our way back up to her room, at about the same pace we came down at and chatting along the way.  "So when are we going home?"

This is your home, Mom.  "No, I mean to the place I was before."

This is where you live now, Mom. "I know! You've said that 2 times already."

Stay closer to the walker Mom, and remember to pick your knees up.

I had brought my good camera, but didn't take any pictures.  There wasn't really anything I wanted to capture today.

1-13-2012

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see Mom tonight.  I worked late, then went to see my hairdresser, and by the time we were done it was after 9:30 and I knew Mom would be asleep.

When something like this would have happened in the past, I would have stressed all night..feeling guilty and worrying about her meds.  At least now I know she is safe and taken care of.  Sadly, Mom also doesn't have enough grasp of time to know the difference.

On the positive side, tomorrow is the January Jubilee, and I'll get to spend a couple of hours with her.

1-12-2012

I went by early today, a little after 1 in the afternoon.  Mom was in the main area, sitting at the table, dead asleep.  Sleeping at inappropriate times and places was one of the things that her previous independant living facilities used to call me about.  Here it seems to be normal...there were 3 other ladies asleep in their chairs also.  It reminded me of a post-lunch corporate meeting or something.

When Mom saw me, she was fine, and I didn't stay very long.  I asked her what she had been doing all day - "Eating.  That's all we do is eat here.  Then we walk from floor to floor, and eat again."

She also talked about the doctor quite a bit, but I couldn't tell if she had seen the doctor, or if her story was implying that the nurses spoke to him about her.  She seems to think she is now taking more pills that she used to "Oh yes, they watch my sugar, and I have to take my shots SIX times, every day.  And I need to wash my clothes.  I've had a lot of accidents.  I think it is the medicine and I can't tell I have to go until its too late."

The good thing is, they'll take care of your laundry for you here.  We just need to make sure you put everything in your hamper.

"Oh yes, I always put everything in my hamper.  I haven't even seen the doctor, but the nurses always tell me they're just doing what the doctor said. And then we just walk around...and I eat again, just waiting until I can go back home."

This is home, Mom.

"Yes, I know.  But this isn't my group.  I mean when I go back to my group."

This is your group now, Mom.  "This isn't my group.  I don't know any of these ladies, or their names or anything."

Well, we'll have to introduce you to more ladies.  You can talk to these ladies, they're in your group 

Just then, one of the ladies came up behind me while I was sitting at the table.  She got to within 6 inches of my face and just sat there.  Are you miss Elsie?  <she nodded> Hi Elsie, it's nice to meet you.  I'm Kim.  See Mom, you can talk to Elsie.

"And all of these ladies have diabetes?"

Well either diabetes or memory issues.  She was thinking about it.  I continued... The nurses here are very good at understanding diabetes and memory issues.

"Oh yes, they sure are.  They're always checking me for something.  They say 'Pearl, what are you doing now?'

They're here to make sure you stay safe and healthy, Mom.

I headed out shortly after that and told her I would see her tomorrow.  "Ok, thanks for stopping by!"  

1-11-2012

Missy's birthday!

We all stopped by around 8 tonight, a little later than usual. Mom was in good spirits and when I said "Guess who I brought with me?" She recognized each of my children as they walked in... then there was a "Yay! I got it right!"  She even guessed correctly that Missy is 18 today.

She was sitting in her rocker, only half dressed...wearing 2 sweatshirts, and no pants.  I'm not sure what that was about, but we all had a laugh about it, including Mom.   Easy enough to fix.  :-)   Beyond that, the stories were a little interesting tonight.  We heard about how she rescued 4 children and reunited them with their parents, and that she may be receiving reward money for that.

She also seemed confused about it being her apartment again.  "Yep, everytime I go out they tell me I can go back to this room. They bring me here, and I say ok, Ill just sit here in this chair"

That's because this is your room, Mom. 

"Well for now, but I mean once I go home."

This is home, Mom.  

"Oh - really?  Are you sure?  Who's paying for it?"

Don't worry about that Mom.

That continued for a little while, and she also still doesn't have her glasses.  There was another pair of bifocals on the table, but they weren't hers.  Actually, they had a man's name I didn't recognize engraved on the inside.  We just left them there.

We also snuck in a tiny piece of cake.  She was giggly tonight, even dancing a little bit.  Very relaxed, and happy to see the kids.

1-10-2012

Well Mom had big plans tonight!  I got to her room around 7, and she was already in her apartment watching TV.  As soon as I walked in and asked her how she was, she started sharing -

"Just sitting here...they don't want me to go out, because Chuck might get upset." She proceeded to tell me she was planning to open a camp of her own.  An all girls camp, and apparently she had thought it through - "I need to get land, and I'm going to put 2 cabins on it to start, and insurance, I've got to get insurance...maybe you can help me with that."  Sure Mom.

She needed to find land close enough for her to drive there, and apparently has been recognized for being a good pubic speaker on starting a camp, which is how Chuck found out about it.  Apparently Chuck was concerned because her camp might cut into his business, and he went out and got a license so that she can't use the Ackenbom name.  "And Ackenbom is still my name.  And my Grandmother Ackenbom was a doctor.  She took care of people with diabetes, in Dewey, Oklahoma."  She was doing an all girls camp because "There are a lot of camps like Chuck's that have girls and boys, but the parents don't want girls near those boys.  As soon as they get to be teenagers, you know what happens...I don't even want to say how many babies were conceived that way every summer.  Those parents will send their girls to my camp where they won't have to worry about that."

Of course I just went along with it, nodding as she talked.  We talked about a few other things, going through the pictures in her purse.  "Paula looks so pretty in this one." (her graduation picture) Everything else seemed to be ok, except she was still wearing the humongous glasses, and hers were nowhere to be found.  I'm guessing there is an optometrist that goes there who I can get to see her, but I'm also concerned that we buy new glasses only for them to be lost again.  Hopefully they'll turn up.

As I went to leave I told her I would see her tomorrow.  She was very upbeat "Ok, thank you for stopping by.  It's always nice to see you.  Who put that beer on the wall?"

What beer, Mom? I had no idea what she was looking at.  This?? I said, pointing at one of her pictures on the wall.

"No, that."  Oh - I think that's just your bulletin board Mom.  "Oh, I thought it was a beer and was wonder who put a beer on my wall?"


No worries, Mom.  See you tomorrow.

1-9-2012

Today was definitely a quick stop on my way home.  I stopped in around 4 and was in a bit of a hurry because I needed to get Jaymz to drums by 5.  I like stopping by at different times.  It gives you a more complete picture of what's really going on.

I was surprised to see that everyone was already at the table and had their meals by 4:15.  Last time I remember her food getting there around 4:30.  I would think that kind of thing would be on a tight schedule, but I guess not.

Mom looked good.  She was alert, eating and had her hair pinned up in the back.  It looked cute, like a little bun.  She saw me and smiled, and before I could even ask "How are you" she started talking.


"I did not write a bad check.  Somebody found that check on the ground and tried to cash it, but I did not write a bad check.  Ever since I had 2 accounts and somebody tried to cash a check on the other one but I didn't do it."


It's ok, Mom.  I'm sure we'll get it sorted out.

"Oh, we already got it sorted out.  Everything has been taken care of, thank goodness."

'I really like your hair, Mom.  It looks cute that way

"Oh do you?? I just pinned it up until I get it cut...it's just so long."


I know...you'll get it cut on the 18th. "The 18th.  Ok"

I'm sorry I can't stay long today.  I have to hurry and get Jaymz to drums.

"Oh, where does he take drum practice?"

At a school right near our house.  "Where?"  It's a place in Midlothian, near where I live.

"So I need to pick him up there, and bring him here??"  No, no, Mom..I can take him today, but thank you for offering.

It reminded me of all the times where she helped me out, or watched my kids when I traveled.  She really did a lot for me...and my kids...and I didn't always thank her enough.  Although it got to a point when she was starting to show early signs where they weren't safe with her, there were many years before that where I don't think I would have gotten by without her help.

I guess she remembers those times too.

I gave her a hug and a kiss on her forehead.  I'll see you tomorrow, Mom.  Have a good night.

"Ok, you too.  Thanks for stopping by."  

1-8-2012

Mom was definitely spinning tonight (she even described it that way at one point).  Perhaps it was the full moon.

I got there just after 6, and she was already in her apartment.  I found her sitting on the floor next to her bed, and it looked like she was flipping through pictures that were in the bottom drawer of her nightstand.  It always amazes me the places where she puts things.  It makes you wonder the story behind what she was thinking.

Hey Mom, what are you doing?

"Well, I only have this one charger and it won't fit" She had her cell phone charger, which used to be plugged into a dining room outlet, now plugged into her bedroom and she was trying to plug the other end into her watch.  "I was trying to charge my watch but it doesn't fit."

Oh - well that's because that's the charger for your phone.  It won't work on your watch.

"I haven't been able to find my phone in weeks."  Her voice changed sharply and suddenly. "I'm fit to be tied."

What's wrong, Mom?

"They wouldn't let me leave the dining room area without a relative or staff member.  I was ready to go and they wouldn't let me leave.  Now I'll be the only one that will miss the party.  So I just said Fine! Take me to my room, and this is where they brought me."

This is your room, Mom.  I don't know about any parties.


"It's at Chuck's house.  It must have been a pool party or something."

I started looking for her phone again, not expecting it to turn up, and then sat in the living room.  Hey Mom, I brought the Tetris game with me if you want to come in here and play.

I handed her the blackberry playbook that RIM sent me a few months ago.  So far the only good use I've found for it is letting Mom play Tetris.  She was struggling a little with dragging the pieces on the touch screen, but it came back to her.  "I remember this.  I used to play this all the time!  I played it for years...this is the old one. How much does a new one cost?"

A new what Mom?

"Cell phone."  I don't know Mom, I wouldn't worry about it.  I'm sure yours will turn up.  "Where's Missy?"

She's out with her boyfriend.  "Oh...and Trish?"  She's at home working (she was cleaning her room).

"Where does Trish work?"  She's a manager at Panera now.  "Oh really?  I bet she likes that.  It gives her some money so she doesn't feel like I'm still supporting her.  She finally got free from my clutches."

Just then I noticed she was missing her good glasses and was wearing my Grandfather's old glasses, which she had hung on to.  I was definitely bummed - she has a few pair of reading glasses and had lost her glasses for several weeks at her old place.  We finally found them when we were moving her.  Where are your good glasses, Mom?


"Oh, I put them in the top drawer."

I looked all over her apartment and couldn't find them.  I'm sure they're in there somewhere, wrapped up in something.  I'll keep looking.  She started going through one of her purses, and pulled out a picture of my kids.  "Is that Missy's boyfriend, or Trish's?"

That's Jaymz, Mom.

"That's JAYMZ? He looks all grown up...he's all manly manly now, isn't he?" Yes, he definitely is.

"There was a man here that told me...I don't think he was supposed to, but he told me I was selected for..." Long pauses... "selected for....my head is spinning" "you know - it is like 'Woman of the Year Award."

Oh wow, Mom. Really?

"I think I get prize money for the award...that's why I was so frustrated, because I needed to get to the staff party, and they kept telling me No....you can't go out there unless your daughter or a staff member takes you.  I was so pissed off" she went on and on about the award... "they give it to the most helpful, courteous, well-natured woman. and I told them 'I'm not going to run away or anything, I would never do that.' and they STILL wouldn't let me leave."

I stayed a little longer watching TV and chit-chatting.  She continued to seem a little hazy, but in a positive frame of mind.  Hey...at least she's woman of the year, right?

I left with my fingers crossed that she has an ok night tonight.

1-7-2012

I got to Mom's around 4 today, and all the residents were out in the main room and seated at the tables.  I only noticed 1 gentleman on the entire floor!  Definitely a ladies club.

Mom was extremely talkative today.  The first thing she said when she saw me was "I only came in 4th place, and 4th place doesn't get anything."  She was upbeat for the most part, but had that agitated twang in her voice that I recognize so well.  She continued on -"First there was 1st place, then second then third and finally me.  Those other ladies got more tries, and that wasn't fair!  They couldn't say my name right and didn't know what the heck was going on"

I just kind of looked at her, puzzled.  She kept going..


"First you take the batter, then you add flour and stir and stir, and then put it in the oven.  And some of those old ladies, the really old ones got to see how theirs came out and do it again, and I didn't get to."  It sounded like there must have been some kind of game or project that didn't go well.  I tried to change the subject.

You look good today, have your pretty necklace on and everything.

"Yes, I'm anxious to get my hair done."  About another week Mom, on the 18th.  "I'm going to get 2 inches off, and a perm.  That looked great last time I did it that way.  Is Missy at the ball game?  Who won?"

No, she's at the gym.  There's a gymnastics meet today.  I looked over and she was reaching for her walker.  "Oh yes, this one is mine."  It had 2 pair of shoes, her puzzle books on it and her cane hanging off the side.


Do you need all these shoes in addition to the ones you have on? Or would you like me to go put them back in your room?  I'll be right back.  Everything looked fine in her room.  When I got back to the table she kept talking about not winning, and then I noticed the Food network was on tv "See that's what happened to one of the other ladies.  She put too many peppers in her eggs and had to start over.  I didn't get to start over. When you use too many peppers, it is too hot for all the children's mouths" then I realized where her cooking competition might have originated.

"Next time we're out, I want to pick me up a coffee pot, and some Folgers coffee.  I haven't had a coffee pot in my room since our last move." 

I still have yours, Mom, but I don't think you're allowed to have them here.  I'll need to check.

"Well I'll sneak one in if I have to." Yep...definitely saw her devil trying to sneak to the surface today.  I wondered what might have triggered it...obviously something that didn't sit well with her ego.  It was still good to see her alert and smiling.  Many of the other ladies there aren't able to carry on conversations anymore.  A few minutes later they brought their meal carts in.  I told her I needed to head out because I had to be at the gym by 5 to work at the gymnastics meet.

"Ok, thanks for stopping by.  When I go back to my room, which way do I go? That way? Do I need to go downstairs?"

Nope, right down the hall.  Do you remember which room number?


"Let's see... <long pause> 2... <long pause> hmmm  2-3-2.?"

That's right. 


"I got it! I remembered! I remembered!"  It is hard to describe the pure joy in her voice.  "I finally remembered.  I've got that cemented in my mind now."


Good job, Mom.  I'll see you tomorrow.  Trish might be able to come with me too.  I gave her a hug and headed to the gym.

1-6-2012

What a difference a day makes!  Mom looked great tonight.  I stopped by around 7, and she was already in her room for the night.  Her door was wide open, and right off the bat she told me she had received flowers from Paula.  

Then I noticed she had lipstick and jewelry on too.  You look great, Mom!  You must have had a good day.

"So what have you been doing all day?"


Just working.


"You've been working a lot, haven't you?  I was wondering if you were going to come.  I wish I still had my car.  I could go to the movies or something.  I love this lotion, it really takes care of the chapping.  You have to keep using it and using it, but it really makes a difference."


What's it called?


She read the bottle with no issues - "The Blue Spa, Super Rich Footcare. I think I saw it on sale on the commercial, 2 for 1.  Do you want a bottle?"


No, that's ok, Mom.  


"Well you bought me plenty.  I've got 3 bottles.!"


Paula bought you those for Christmas.


"Oh that's right.  Thank you Paula!"  After a few more minutes "This is the first year I've never had a car.  It feels so funny.  That's the only thing I really miss is my car.  I bought it myself - the Plymouth.  I paid cash for it, and had to save for 3 months.  It was even better than Mom and Dad's.  Mother used to like riding in it because it had so much more foot room."


We continued to watch ET and Inside Edition, like we used to in her old apartment.  She also said - "The one thing I really like about this place is that the nurses come and give you your medicine.  They have a timer and say - it's Pearl's turn!  I never have to worry about it."

She asked what time it was, thinking her watch was off, which it was.  I reset it for her and we relaxed a bit.  Her place smelled great - like fresh flowers and lotion.   Thanks, Paula!

1-5-2012

Mom was looking/feeling much better today.  I got there around 6:30 and she was still out in the dining area socializing with 3 of the other residents and one of the nurses. The nurse told me Mom said "You look tired - you should sit down" and so the nurse was sitting on Mom's walker right beside her.

I just sat and relaxed for 30 minutes or so...and I do mean relaxed.  It is a very peaceful environment.

Among many other things, Mom told me "I got the job! I got the job! I had all my interviews, and they chose me"

'Awesome!  Congrats!'

Apparently she is now going to be collecting surveys from all the people in Charlottesville so that they can find out what's causing all the coughs.  She also told me how to diagnose and treat coughs, and a little later that she is now the lead chef evaluator too.  Definitely full of smiles tonight.

Miss Alice was there.  She is one of my favorite nurses.... you can just tell she has a great soul.  She told me Mom said her feet were hurting her, so they had a look, and that her toenails were in bad shape.  I knew that.  Due to the diabetes they've been that way for years, and in the dementia unit she is in there are no sharp objects or nail clippers allowed.  She gave me a form to sign so that next week the podiatrist who stops by once a week can treat her.  That's something I should have done for her years ago...at least she's getting the care she needs now.

She asked where Trish was, then Missy and Jaymz, and whether I needed to pick Missy up.  Nope - she can drive herself now.  She also said several times "I like it here.  It's nice to just sit and chat with you."

'Yes it is, Mom.  Very relaxing for me too'.  Then we talked about the beautiful murals on the walls, which she told me the artist was paid $10,000 to paint. Not sure about that but sounds good to me. :-)

I told her I think Paula sent her some flowers, and she said, "Oh really?  That's right, my birthday is on the 27th" (of Feb).  I said 'yes it is.' and she said "Yay! I got it right!  I finally remembered.  Now let's see what year it is.. 19... 19 hmm... it must be"  I heard her trying to figure it out, but kept looking at my phone as if I didn't.  After a few seconds she stopped trying.  I thought - who cares what year it is anyway?  It doesn't matter if you stay in the present.

Finally Mom says - "If you get a chance, can you buy me some milk?" 

'Sure, I'll bring some with me tomorrow'.  That was one thing I had to buy her each week without fail in her old apartment.  There was always milk in the refrigerator and cereal in the cabinets...mostly for her to eat when she overslept and missed meals, which was starting to happen a lot before the transition.  Alice heard us talking and said - "you know we can always order her up some milk and cereal from the cafe."  Then she went into their office and brought out two small cartons of milk and 3 individual sized cereal boxes.  "I'm not sure if this is the kind she likes, but she's welcome to it."

I walked mom back to her apartment and we put her milk in the fridge.  She also asked if I can find her a coffee pot, which I don't think she is allowed to have, but I told her I would ask about it.  I gave her a hug and told her I would see her tomorrow.  Something tells me she's going to sleep just a weeee bit better tonight. At least she's trying to make herself at home.

I went straight to the gym and worked out.