3-13-2012

I don't know what was going on with Mom today.  I got there early, around 1:00.  Mom was sitting on the bench in the main activity area, and she smiled as soon as I walked in.


"Oh thank goodness you're here.  This is one of my daughters, now if I can find the other one."

I sat down beside her on the bench.  'What's going on, Mom?'

"Oh nothing. I just want to talk to my daughters, if you see them you need to tell them it is time to come home so they can at least take a shower."

'A shower? What for?'

"Well you know how bad they will smell after running around all day, especially doing what they're doing."

I truly had no idea what she was talking about.

"You can tell them I’m not mad at them, I just want to ask them to please come home and have a bath and clean clothes.  Then they can be all clean and you won’t have to worry about that for tomorrow."

I tried to change the subject.  'So what have you been doing all day, Mom?'

"Well, just sitting here watching them play games. I also worked 2 crossword puzzles and won both of them. Please tell them I’m not mad, I’d just like them to come home and refresh themselves, and you know I’m right.  It's not like I'm saying they can't go out or anything.  They should at least be clean."

'Who should be clean, Mom?'  "My daughters." 'Which daughters, Mom?'

"Paula and..wait ...you're Kim’s...she's here, and my other child I don’t know where she is.  I’d lend them money, but I don’t have any cash.  I'd just like to tell them to come back home.  I’m not going to scream at them, they’re running around the elevators getting all sweaty.  You can imagine how they smell by now.  They know where I am and they know which way to take to get here.  I just want to get them and go."

'Go where, Mom?  This is your home.  Do you want to go to your room?'

"At least you’ve talked to them.  That makes me feel better.  You can visit me at least so we can clean you up or hose you down or something like that.  If you see them…well, I’d like to know where Kenny is too."

'Kenny is at camp, Mom.' 

She looked surprised.  "My son is at camp friendship? I know we used to watch for him. Chuck and I did.  And he would show up after 3 months, and we would say 'I know where you've been.  It's getting dark outside.  It's time to come in'.  Well if you do see him, tell him 'why don’t you stop and see your mom? Its almost dark, and she likes to know where her children are."

I walked her back to her room.  She was positive for the most part today, just really out of it.  She thanked me for stopping by...and I think she kind of knew who I was. 

3-12-2012

It was so beautiful out today, I had to take Mom outside to get some fresh air.

I got to her place around 6, and she was sitting in the main room.  I asked how she was doing “Oh, just lazing around,” she said kind of drearily. I had brought her a cup of coffee, and sat down at the table with them.  She said they had just finished dinner, but hadn’t really done much today.

‘Want to go outside?’

“Really? Is it cold?” ‘No, it’s beautiful outside.'

Unfortunately we had a little issue finding her walker.  There was one sitting right beside me that looked just like hers, but it didn’t have the scarf I had tied on it.  When I asked if that was hers, the other lady at the table put her hand on it and gestured rather sternly that it was hers.  I checked her room, and no luck…then one of the nurses went and found the other lady’s walker and helped us switch.

Mom was talkative as we were making our way down the elevator and to the front door.  She seemed to pick up in mood and energy.

“I almost called you last night.  I didn’t want to wake anyone up, but I thought Jaymz could come over and fix my television.” She also asked about my job, and whether I liked it.  She asked me that 3 different times, at different points of our conversation, and phrased in the exact same way.  Her short term memory is deteriorating, I think.  We got downstairs and just relaxed in the rockers out front.

“What’s Paula doing this weekend?” ‘I don’t know.  Taking care of her kids would be my guess.’

She continued rattling on and on, mostly voicing frustration about the other ladies.  She tried to describe some sort of argument they had over onion soup, and complained that no one ever wanted to go outside with her because they always thought it was too cold.

“So how’s Paula getting along, ok?” ‘Yep.  She’s doing great as far as I know.’

We just sat there in the rocking chairs for almost an hour, marveling at the flowers, the birds and the trees until she started to get cold.  At that point we decided to make our way back upstairs.  I made sure her television was working ok and then headed out.  “I’m so glad you stopped by.   It’s nice to see you every once and awhile.”

‘I’ll be back tomorrow, Mom.  Have a good night.’  I missed my Yoga class tonight, but somehow felt just a relaxed. Hanging out with her just has that effect sometimes.

3-11-2012

It's good to be home.

I stopped by Mom's first thing on my way home.  This is the longest trip I've had since she moved to her new apartment.  I wasn't sure what to expect.  It was just after 3, and the nurses told me she was in her room.

She didn't seem that happy or surprised to see me.  What I asked how she was, she said "Just sitting here." she was staring at a blank screen on the tv, and the said "Maybe you can help me fix this.  I was trying to put on a game to play, but I can't seem to find any games on here." 

'Games?  Do you mean movies, Mom?   I can put one in for you.'

"No, I thought your son had installed some games on here."  It was interesting - she asked me about 'my son' several times today, but never said his name.

I stayed for awhile, just relaxing....and after a hectic week on the road, it really was relaxing.  The only thing I can say about mom is that she seemed kind of out of it.  I think the best word would be 'groggy'.  Her speech was slurred, she was yawning a lot, and she kept talking about how tired she was after walking up and down all those hills.

After a Ford Explorer commercial she said "I'm not upset about not having a car anymore.  I used to be, but not anymore.  I have people that will take me wherever I need to go."

No anger or anxiety from her today.  Just boredom, perhaps?

3-8-2012

Just a quick update from Austin, after talking to Trish who has checked on Mom.  She said that she was doing fine, but that she was also talking as if she was in the past.  She also said she seemed surprised to see Trish - greeting her with a very cold "What are you doing here?" but that once she started visiting she was fine and friendly.

I'm looking forward to seeing her on Sunday.

3-3 through 3-5-2012

I have definitely been slacking!  Not on seeing Mom, but on writing about it.  Trying to get so many things wrapped up before leaving for Texas.  So what better to pass the time at the airport than getting caught up?

Mom has been looking rough the past few days.  Based on my notes...here's how the pas few days have gone.

Saturday, March 3
I stopped by in the early afternoon, before leaving for Missy's gymnastics meet in Maryland.  Mom was watching TV in her room, which was fairly dark.  She said she was doing ok, but when I asked why she was in her room rather than the main area, she got a little agitated "I couldn't take anymore of that coughing.  I don't pay all this money to have to listen to that shit all day. I know he can't help it, but I sure don't want to listen to it."

'Who, Mom?'


"That man that just coughs and coughs and coughs. Its like that pneumonia cough that you had.  Just on and on and on.  It's terrible."

Aside from that, her place looked very clean.  She had picked all the puzzle pieces up off the table, and all of her puzzles were back in the bag Paula gave her.  I didn't say anything about it, just told her I was on my way to Maryland and that I would see her tomorrow.

Sunday, March 4
Missy and I both went up to see her on our way home from visiting George Mason.  It was around 4:00, and she was sitting out in the main area with 2 other ladies.  As we walked up we could hear her going on and on about something.  She saw us and her eyes perked up, then she turned to one of the ladies and said "You know my daughter, Paula."


'I'm Kim, Mom.'


"No, I mean the other one."


'That's Missy.  We just got back from visiting her new school.  She's going to college soon.'

"She started beaming...that's so good!  She'll be able to get a good job today.  That's what we're doing here.  We're trying to help prepare her for the interview for a new job." She was pointing to one of the ladies at the table, while the other one's eyebrows raised and she smiled.  Mom went on and on, trying to coach her, until the woman said "Well thank you for trying to help me.  I really do appreciate it."

It's times like these that I know she needs to be where she is.  She also mentioned that she had been packing up her DVDs.  Missy and I went to her room and unloaded them all from the stacks she had made on her walker, and put them back on the shelf.  We went back out to the activity area - 'No more packing, Mom.  This is your home.'  "I know."  We chatted for a little while longer, and then I told her I was going to Texas on business, but that I would see her tomorrow.

Monday, March 5
I went by Mom's around 2 today.  She was in the main activity area, but sitting by herself at a table, and just looking rough.  When asked she said she was fine, but her eyes were kind of hazy, and she just looked very low on energy. When she started talking, I could tell she was out of it today.


"Paula was crying her eyes out when I left."


'She was? Why?' 


"They had a fight I guess.  I had never heard her husband ball her out like that before."  It's strange... these past few weeks are the fist time I had heard the phrase 'getting balled out' since I was a child.


'I think Paula is fine Mom, I saw her yesterday and everything seemed ok.'


"She covers up more than you think she does.  I remember when Paul and I broke up and he went out and got another woman.  He came back and told me that was nothing but trash, and he would never do that again. 'You're worth keeping, girl.'"  She was also making references to falling and hurting her leg, but the nurses didn't know anything about it. Her descriptions of the fall were really odd - something about her socks getting all rolled up...it was hard to piece together what she was trying to say.

She told me she liked my coat, and asked about the weather. "So do you got a special guy?"

'No, Mom.'  "Good.  You're better off that way.  So which way are you going when you leave?  I could have you drop me off at home rather than to try and walk out there in this."


'Your home is right down that hall Mom.'


"I left my hairpiece.  There are so many things that go through your mind when you hear things like that."

'Like what, Mom?'  "Like all those arguments everyone is having"

Of course I can't know for sure, but it seems like she's got a lot of past memories playing over and over again, and she gets herself depressed reliving them.  I'm hoping she'll be ok these next few days.  Trish is going to check on her this Wednesday.  I don't think I'll have any updates tomorrow.

3-2-2012

Mom was definitely off tonight, which wasn't that surprising given that it had been more than 24 hours since I hadn't seen her in more than 24 hours.  I also wasn't able to get there until late - around 8pm, and she was already in her bed, asleep.

I woke her up when I poked her head in her room, and had her come out and watch kitchen nightmares with me.  From what I could tell, something must have happened where she got confused and either tried to make someone else's bed or sleep in someone else's room.  There was a lot of rambling and strange comments that were hard to piece together, like....these old couples not wanting to sleep in a bed after a colored person had been in it (this making me think she was in the past), about having left her things in the other room while she was doing all that moving, about the sheets she got back in the laundry not fitting on her bed, asking again about when Kenny was going to come to help her move.

She seemed anxious when I went to leave also. "What if they ask me something and I can't remember the answer?" or "Will you be hack early? Early in the day is good."

Those moments when she is aware of her limitations must be very scary for her.  It would be scary for me too.

3-1-2012

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see Mom tonight.  I had an after-work event at the Jefferson and didn't get home until almost 10.  I'm going to try to get there early tomorrow if at all possible.