Today was a very strange, out-of-the-ordinary visit. When I got there, 1 of the nicest nurses there - Jackie - told me "I was back there with your mom a lot this evening. She is feeling very umm.. sentimental. She's been talking about you all a lot tonight. Just thought I would warn you."
Uh-oh.
Mom was still looking great, watching tv, but didn't have any glasses on. I found a pair for her, and then asked her about Jackie's comment. 'Is everything ok, Mom?'
She started balling her eyes out, and saying she just wanted someone to tell her 3 children how much she loved him and that they meant everything to her. I just sat there, a little taken back. She continued on talking and talking..saying that she was so sorry for always being so mean and hurtful to us. "I didn't mean to say all those TERRIBLE things...I just had this anger inside of me. And sometimes it just comes out. And I would see it in their eyes, how much I was hurting them. I am so sorry for that. I love them more than anything. And I just want them to sell the house, and split it equally all 3 ways, because I love them all so much. My children are so beautiful, of course my husband had something to do with that.".. then she proceeded to get graphic about Dad being her loverboy, and how he'd only cheated on her once.
I think 'surreal' is the only way to describe how I felt. All these years with anger inside of me...thinking she wasn't capable of feeling remorse for how she used to act, or that she wasn't even aware, and bam.. she just spilled her guts like that out of the blue. I recorded some of it, but need to upload the videos from my phone. I'll try to do that tomorrow.
She also said something chilling... that she only had about a month to live, which is why she wanted to make sure someone told her children how much she loved them. 'What are you talking about Mom?'
"You just know, when things are going on inside of you. You can just tell when they stop working like they're supposed to."
She was full of energy, and looked as healthy as I have seen her over the past few months. It was a very strange visit to say the least.
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