It's a simple question that I would probably benefit from asking myself more often.
Well for starters, my mother has just been diagnosed as having advanced Dementia, and probably Alzheimer's. Not that this was a shock to anyone in her family, but I guess it helped bring home the fact that our time with her is limited. She could stay the way she is for years, or we could lose her in months... there's really no way to tell. There won't be anything in this blog as entertaining as "Sh*t my dad says" ... but she does say some interesting things sometimes that give a picture of what goes on inside the mind of someone suffering with Alzheimer's. "It's like my mind goes blank. It spins around and around and around and then there's nothing there. No thoughts"
Inspired by Noah Scalin, I've decided to make this my 'a day' project for 2012 - as a way to honor and capture what I can from the remaining memories of my mother, and to exercise my writing skills on a daily basis. I stop in to see my mother every day. It used to be to make sure she took her medicine, but now she's in a special care unit that does that, so I can just stop by to enjoy her. I suppose there's some closure I'm seeking as well. After years of subconsciously blaming my issues on my abusive mother, it's nice to get to know this new, more vulnerable side of her that I didn't get to see as often as I would have liked as a child. The aging process does interesting thing to people. 5 years ago I would have sworn that I wouldn't shed a tear when she died. A few weeks ago, I balled my eyes out at the thought of her suffering in any way shape or form. People do change.
As I spend time with my mother, I'm not sure whether I'm blessed with these moments as a permanent reminder to take care of myself so I don't end up like her, or as a glimpse into what an inescapable future might have in store for me. In any case, this is one disease we have to find a cure for. Alzheimer's is devastating not only to those it strikes, but in unimaginable ways to the families that love them.
The past few years have been quite a journey. I write this now for myself, my family, and anyone else who wants to listen. I'll probably slap an adwords link on the page at some point, but in the unlikely event that there are any proceeds, I will be sure they make it to the Alzheimer's Association.
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